.:: daemon

A complete 360 (originally posted on http://daemoneyes.deviantart.com on September 24 2006)

First of all... im back at "writing" journals... or at least I hope I am...

Last time i was here, i was all for moving out of the industry where i was... which was IT...

I had this crazy plan all set up for me to go to chicago and study again... alas... fate was cruel and i find myself now back at the same place where i was a couple of months ago.

Im back. And I feel that its been a complete 360 from where i intended myself to be. Im nowhere near where I intended myself to be.

Im back. Im back at doing the thing that I feel that I dont have any connection with. Its weird though. Because in my "heart" i know i should be doing something different from this. But as i am confronted with the task of debugging / programming... i find myself performing well. And frankly it frightens me.

Its a complete 360. And i have to admit that i am now eating my words... and its such an ego crusher. When the whole school thing didnt work out... i didnt want to go back to working in IT, primarily because i didnt want to turn my back on my declaration that "IT isnt for me...".

But now Im back in it. Its better though. Im not just merely a programmer now. I dont know if its any consolation... but im a Java Programmer / Consultant for an International Insurance Firm.

Sounds good? As of now... i cant say really.

What i find as a big consoloation though is that I get to work at my own hours. Which gives me time to do my gyming and me-stuff.

I still dont feel as that this is right for me. I guess I never will feel that "IT" is right for me. I just wont accept that fact.
God... I need to turn the tables again. And I need to do it fast.