.:: daemon

Ok...

So I havent been writing stuff about "me" for the past weeks.

Was just being lazy to write about stuff... the word-station of my brain just needed a long long break.

So just to keep you on speed...

A week after we celebrated our anniversary (July 28... actually anniversary was on the August 2), which by the way was ehrm, very very "interesting" (and "special") * love * tee-hee * love *... we celebrated my baby's birthday... he's officially 29 as of August 04... a year left before he turns 30 wherein he wishes to have a kid... now the process of which we will have one is still undetermined...
actually the idea of me having a kid is still questionable... I dont like kids... I dont have a soft-spot in my heart for them... dont get me wrong, its just that Im not one to deal with weepers and wetters yet... for-the-love-of-god...

Anyway... as usual he went over to my place. I had an idea of how that Saturday would be... but he totally ruined the mood for us. First of all, he got "wasted" the night before because he had some drinking session with a couple of friends. Second, he woke up at around 1 PM saturday and got to my place at around 530 PM, so looking at this, he made me wait for him the whole day... * rage * of all the annoying things to do, he made me wait * crap * crap *, and to top that off, he had to go home at around 8 Pm... so he just stayed for around 3 hours, which for me is not really enough "quality" time for us. And thirdly, he wasnt really responding to any of the "paglalambing" that I was doing... talk about killing the mood... * gah *.

He noticed that I wasnt really pleased with how the day was turning out... but instead of trying to lighten my mood, he just ignored it and teased me about the reason why I was bummed out.

Great, right?

Good thing though, that 30 minutes before 8 he tried turning things around and was the one making "lambing" to me... silly as it may sound, I responded... hehehe =)

Fast-forwarding...

Last Saturday we met up eventhough he was feeling under-the-weather.

He wasnt really feeling good... so after eating lunch out, we went home... and just cuddled the whole afternoon...

What made the afternoon sweet was that everytime that I would take my hand away, he would look for it and kept it near him while squeezing my hand...

* hay * love * love *

Can anything get better than that?

I cant believe that this unknown instinct kicked in while he was there... I mean, I changed his clothes, wiped his sweat... its like a mother taking care of her sick son...

I cant believe that we were acting like we were married already...

* hay * love * love *

Got to say, it felt so good.

Its hard to imagine that during lunch time he opened up a pretty sensitive topic...

He was being a very very jealous, insecure boyfriend...

He actually used the following phrases...

- "just thinking about the guys you see at the gym and by the way that you describe them, naiinsecure ako sa kanila... (im feeling insecure)"...

- "ano ba talaga ang dahilan ng pagpapaganda mo ng katawan? - siguro kaya ka nagpapaganda ka ng katawan, kasi gusto mo mapansin ka noh?... (whats the real reason for your gyming? - maybe its because you want to get noticed, right?)"...

To some degree, the thought of him being jealous with well, nothing... kind of touches me... I mean, as-far-as-im-concerned, you only get to be jealous, paranoid about someone when they're special to you...

Well, cant really blame him though, I have been well a bit unfaithful... theres no real excuse for my actions... I cant even justify with a straight face to him and my friends why I do / did the things I do / that I have done...

One year has passed, and Im still learning the ropes of being "gay" and being in a relationship... Its harder than I thought...

I dont know why... but theres something inside of me that keeps on looking for something from him to prove that he really loves me... get it?

I know that he does love me... and I love him the same way too...

Theres just this "something" that I cant really put my finger on...