saturday blues...

warning: gloomy stuff ahead...

today was marks suprise bday party for his bf james...

the third in a string of surprsises that mark did for james...

* awwwwww *

it envies me to see how "sweet" and seemingly perfect their relationship is...

from the sweet gestures, to the public display of affections (well to a decent level), to the amount of genuine concern for each other...

it pains me to see how miles away me and my ex were in comparison with them...

* sucks *

while waiting for the sun to set, i spent most of the day lounging around in front of the tube, playing psp (commercial: thanks to raymond, for the copy of GOW)...

got around to fixing myself at around 430pm.

went to gb3 to meet up with jason at around 600pm...

whilst waiting went around window shopping...

at around 700pm, jason met up with me in powerbooks and off we went to the dinner party...

...

was texting rica how worried i was about the party... how physically insignificant i would be...

i dont know... but whenever i think of myself (which i most of the time) i still see myself as that chubby akward kid...

* worries *

typical of me to be insecure...

pathetic isnt it?

...

as expected, at the party were gym people...

some would joke, friends of the "bride" and friends of the "groom"...

i would fall under the category of the latter... hehehe

so... at our group, which was me, jason, norman, sim, brian and his friend...

me and jason were the only single guys...

i dont know if jason felt it too... but for me it just plain sucked...

especially when i took a glance over brian and his friend (to which i really dont know whats going on between him and his friend)...

i mean, two goodlooking guys... who seem to really like each other, evident in their body language...

it just drives me insane...

god-damnnit...

to make matters worse, i put myself in hot water... I TEXTED HIM...

and im not going into the details... but i was just wrong...

from what i did, what i texted, what he texted back...

* sorry guys, weakness and envy got a hold on me *

it just plain sucked most of the night...

at one point i even felt alone...

* crap *

a couple of good points though...

that night, i met sim and norman, who at first i thought were very intimidating... but theyre just like me... "nangingilala"... and now i guess i have a couple more new friends...

that night, i proved to myself that i can carry my own with these guys... meaning that i can "hold a candle" beside them.. i can hang with them... though i think i still need a bit more convincing to go "clubbing" with them...

i parted at around 1130pm... didnt got clubbing with them anymore... i went around to take a walk...

i needed it..

to think about stuff...

went to gb3... went to starbucks... then decided to go to UCC in front of starbucks 6750...

relaxed for a bit, ate dessert and went home after...

in other words, i went on an emo mode after the dinner...

typical...

i just cant wait for the coming weekend... i want to do this all over again...

only this time, i hope that id find someone to share the evening with...

the whole evening...

and morning...

* sucks to be single *