.:: daemon

if ever that me and bryan dont get to meet this saturday...

this saturday will mark our one month of not seeing each other...

galing noh?

---

I understand that hes been busy lately...

I get that...

Hes been working on his requirements for working abroad...

Yeah he's working abroad...

I dont know what will happen to us...

Its funny... because he keeps on asking me... "Arent you happy for me?" (pertaining to him, well being able to work abroad on a cruise ship)

Of course I am...

But theres a huge huge part of me... that is sad...

i cant even quantify how sad I am...

For me, its kinda stupid asking someone if they feel alright after having a rock hit you on the head...

Thing is, he gets "disappointed" that Im sad...

Is he for real?

Fuck it...

---

I got around to call him after his "sweet" text awhile ago...

I couldnt hold on whats inside...

I wanted to tell him... "Kung gusto, may paraan... kung ayaw may dahilan..."

I told him that... though I rephrased it a bit...

What happened made my head spin...

First, he told me na he was saddened that I would think that...

Second, he wanted to end our conversation...

Third, I ended up saying sorry for something (that I guess wasnt really my fault to begin with)...

Fourth, I was "begging" for him to meet up on saturday (though he already promised, for the nth time, that we would)

Fifth, he dropped the phone on me in the middle of our conversation...

he dropped it...

as if he didnt care...

there was a point after this incident that I felt like I didnt care...

but I did...

I was scared that our saturday meet up wouldnt push through...

I was concerned that he was "pissed"...

I am pissed...

Pissed at how he makes me feel...

Pissed at how he turns the tables around on me...

Pissed at how he treats me...

I love my boyfriend...

But if this is just a stage in our "relationship"... I want this stage to end...

I hate feeling miserable...

But then, with him... Ill be like that...

without him, Ill be still like that...

Fuck it...

Is the pain all worth it?

Are you worth it?

Before Id say yes, in a heartbeat...

Now... I really dont know...