.:: daemon

I expected that my Saturday would be spent cuddling at home with my boyfriend, devoid of the distractions that the past weeks at work and at gym had given me.

I expected the familiarity of his arms around me... warm and sincere.

I just never thought that I would have fucked everything up in one single day.

---

Around 10:45 AM. Waiting for my boyfriend. Surfing. Watching tv. I recieved a text from him. The message read - "Can you please call.". Knowing that this sort of message sends a serious undertone, without hesitation, I called him.

2-rings, 3-rings... still no answer... a couple of rings more... he picked up the phone.

I expected his voice... his deep. I-just-woke-up voice.

But a familiar (and unwanted) voice answered... his Mom (to which apparently has his phone... why? that I dont really know).

BF's Mom : Hello. Sino po ito?

Me : Uhm... si bryan po?

BF's Mom : Ah... kasi tulog pa sya eh...


Me : (with fear and hesitation) Ganon po ba... paki-sabi na lang po na magtext or tumawag sya pagkagising nya.

BF's Mom : Sige. Sasabihin ko.

Me : Ay thank you po. Hintay ko na lang po un.

BF's Mom : Sige.

Me : Salamat po. Goodbye.

After that, she dropped the phone. I was still in shock.

The last time his Mom called, she was frantic... angry... infuriated.

This time was different. She was calm and was easy to talk to.

Right at the moment after dropping the phone, I felt uneasy. My heart kept skipping a beat (and I dont mean the nice kind). I wanted to text back, but I thought that my bf's phone was still with her. So I decided to wait.

A couple of hours after. I received a text from him (or so I thought was from him).

The message read,

"Beh? May lagnat si brian, may pilay... leave my son its a mortal sin na pumatol sa kapwa niya lalake. ang lalake ay para sa babae lamang. paglabanan nyo ng panalangin. huwag mong idamay ang anak ko."

I didnt reply. Really didnt know what to say.

I dropped my phone. Thinking of whats going to happen next.


Then she texted again,

"Layuan mo na anak ko. huwag kaya magpasakop sa demonyo. maawa ka sa anako ko. taga saan ka ba? ilang taong gulang ka na? i want to talk to your parents and to you as well. ill pray over you and give you biblical advice."

At first I felt angry after reading the text.

Angry that some people are still narrow-minded about homosexuality.

Angry how some people are hypocrites, preaching God's word... and yet they're discriminating.

I wanted to text back... wanted to say that "Ill meet up with you, saan mo gusto? And please leave my parents out of this, its my decision to be gay... not theirs...".

But I didnt. I ended up crying. Asking why.

Its so fucked up... because ever since yesterday... I havent gotten a text from my boyfriend.

Im worried about him. Im worried about us. Im scared.

Its been just a day. And yet I feel like its been soooo long.

---

After recieving the last text. I texted a friend.

I wanted to just text / talk with someone familiar just so the thought would be somehow diverted somewhere else.

Me and this friend texted back and forth. I sensed from his replies that he was sincere and was concerned about my problem.

I couldnt tell him over texting. I wanted to tell him face-to-face. So it ended up with me having plans to go to where he was at around 5PM.

Thing was, he was at work at that time and if I went there... I might get him into to trouble... plus if I went there to just talk to him, it would arouse suspicions.

I texted him,

Me : Hey. Isnt your shift until 8PM? I might disturb you and get you into trouble with your boss... hmmm if your free after work, then later na lang thats if wala ka gimik?


Guy Friend : Ah saan pupunta?

Me : Dito lang. Greenbelt or Glorietta.

Guy : Need to go home agad kasi...

Me : Ah ganon ba. Sige sorry if i disturbed you. Anyway if you change your mind just text me. Im still with Pam panaman. Naglilibot pa kami and baka maghangout lang ko d2. =)

Guy : Okey lang =) try ko


Didnt get a reply after that.

I know how it sounds. But I seriouslly wasnt asking him out on a date. That wasnt my intention. I just wanted to talk to someone, and find out some stuff.

Now Im scared. I think that I fucked my friendship with this guy.

I feel the need to apologize for my actions. Ive been apologetic lately... and I dont really know why. But I just feel that I need to apologize.


---

Im lost. And I really dont what to do. What to think. I need to keep myself pre-occupied. But that seems to make me think about the stupid things that Ive done yesterday.

Waiting sucks.

Im scared.
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