so far... (pt 1)

How do I start?

Hmmm...

I havent been myself lately...

There has been too much served on my plate...

Things that need to be decided on...

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Now, theres no intent on making 'parinig' here...

So, I dont mean to offend anyone...

I've been single for a bit over 6 months now...

Havent really 'played' the field yet...

A good thing has happened in the month that has passed...

I hoped things would have been better...

Was finally settling in on the thought...

but fate had other plans...

Ive been 'depressing' about it...

As Ive always been when it comes to matters of the heart...

But I know I shouldnt...

So I started picking up where I left off...

And just as I was getting back on my feet...

Fate once again 'teased' me...

This 'other' person...

The 'one' that Ive been so hung-up on...

Well, lets just that things have become cold between us...

and right now it makes reading 'him' a hundred times more difficult than before...

and so the vicious cycle repeats again...

And as if that wasnt enough, fate showed me how 'good' others have it...

Now I know, Ive changed alot since my 'heavy' days...

and Im so proud that Ive achieved such feat...

But I guess for some its just not enough...

I havent 'played' the game, but Ive been out and about...

Searching, looking...

And to no avail, well theres a couple that Ive met...

But seriously, Im just not interested...

Call me choosy... call me picky....

but come on... ive been 'discriminated' on by some...

why cant i do the same?

vicious cycle? - I know...

Anyway, going back...

I have this friend...

He's good looking, got a nice body and importantly he's got a good head on his shoulder...

And I dont blame anyone if they find him attractive...

What boggles me is that he doesnt need to do much...

And it just kills whatever confidence I have...

Just imagine, in the span of one week... he has managed to catch the attention of two guys by just being there...

What the hell...

Now tell me how unfair is that?

* sigh *

Friends tell me to not dwell to much on it and that the big-man up there showers everyone equally...

I have qualities that they dont have...

I guess so...

* thinks *

And I do have to thank you guys (you know who you are)...

For bearing with me, my stupidities and my insecurities...

Thanks...

continued...