random thoughts...

this weekend was the total opposite of what my last weekend was...

despite spending time with friends i found myself feeling alone...

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sunday; woke up at around 830am...

i couldnt believe that the weekend was nearing to be over...

strangely enough for me, weekends are Friday evenings and the whole of Saturday...

Sunday has just become an in-passing day...

an unbearable bridge between the fantasy that is the weekend and the reality of the in-coming weekday...

waking up... i had this sudden feeling of loneliness (more than the usual)...

though i know that im not the only one feeling this...

being where i was, it just felt that everyone in the world has someone...

family, friends... lovers...

imagine, waking up to the rays of the warm sun on your face...

it puts a smile on an expressionless face...

and realizing youre alone...

it wipes the smile out of your face...

one should have grown numb to it already...

but i found a tear sliding down my face...

it was then that i can say that im not over alot of things...

im not over my ex... because at least, in his small ways... he made me feel that i had someone...

im not over ****... because at least, he made me feel that he would be there to catch me... eventhough i was the only one thinking about it...

just to realize the hopelesness...

just to realize that its all just me 'imagining' the whole thing...

how wonderful it is probably to wake up beside the person to whom you say 'I LOVE YOU'...

i wouldnt know...

it never really happened to me...

---

i spent most of today... eatiing...

and its driving me insane...

just thinking that every morsel i shoved down my throat adsd another pound to my weight...

its stupid to say...

i am eating out of sadness...

* points a gun to my head *

yes i know theres nothing to be sad about (read above...)

but with the hole that ive dugged...

its going to be awhile before i can say that everything is ok...

and eating is my only distraction...

going to the gym is out of the question... because even that adds weight to everything...

you know what im taking about...

---

why do we hold on to things...

to people who remind us of pain...

of hopelesness...

isnt it just simple to let go...

...

letting go... i can never seem to let go..

im like that...

all the pains...

all that i love... and loved...

the important things... no matter how much theyve hurt me...

no matter how much pain is attached there...

i just cant let go...

letting go...

its something that i know i have to work on...