first week...

so its been a week since ive started in my new job...

frankly...

ive been having doubts...

stupid to have doubts about it when ive already signed the contract...

i dont know really...

theres a lot of mixed emotions in me...

at one side, im happy to be back in the 'work' force...

excited to learn new things...

excited for all the possibilities...

but then theres the other side...

i feel sad for putting my 'dreams' on the backseat again...

i feel sad for the possibility that never came to realization...

i feel sad for going against what ive been preaching for the past 7 mos...

hmmm...

maybe thats it...

its the real reason why theres so much conflict going on around me...

im disappointed for subjecting myself to something that i dont love...

im disappointed for putting my dreams aside because of the circumstance, bad timing and lack of resource...

im disappointed for allowing OTHER people to take control of my dreams leaving me powerless to steer my future...

dreams dont wait...

they run fleeting from dreamers...

its up to the dreamers to take hold of their destiny...

i BABBLE all about these stuff...

and yet i find myself 'stuck' in a position where i feel i shouldnt be...

i am a sell-out...

a turn-coat to my own principles...

---

so its been a week since ive started in my new job...

its also been more than week since ive been crying...

im crying because im back to being normal...

average...

i know im more than that...

i wont settle to be just average...

im here to do more...

im here to be someone...

---

if it will take me 10 or more jobs to get to that 'goal'...

if sacrifices are needed to reach that dream, then sacrifice i shall...

what i just worry is time...

a life-time is not enough to live life...

theres so much room for mistakes...

theres so much room to learn...

theres so much room for regrets...

theres so much room for everything...

---

i think ive made a big mistake...

and i think i have to correct this ASAP...

life wont wait for me...

i have to catch up...

i seriously have to...

* sigh *