why the drama?

what if after you and a guy have had a connection...

and so much fun...

just to get this kind of message the evening after....

"honestly, that is the first and last time you would be seeing me
i know i shouldn't have meet with you in the first place cuz' im
gonna be flying to korea by tuesday to study medicine
just, treat me as a guy you had sex with
i never knew you'd be so attached, i had fun
i hope to see you again one day
im very sorry
sounds like a piece of crap, but i wont care if you do believe or not
goodluck ^_^,
this is my last message to ya"

---

my jaw dropped...

and a tear fell from my eye....

i had a feeling that it was too good to be true...

at the same time, i was angry...

for allowing myself to be vulnerable...

im always like this...

i dont know if i can trust people again...

i dont know if i can believe in hope again...

people always leave

people always leave...

somehow, this is applicable in my life...

i dont know whats wrong with me...

or if theres anything wrong with me...

tricked

life is really playing with me...

great...

thanks...

today, a cruel trick has been played on me...

sobrang sakit...

its not with the person per se...

its more of how fate played a cruel joke on me...

great...

great talaga...

its another blow...

literally...

Silent Sanctuary - Hiling

Minsan di ko maiwasang isipan ka
Lalo na sa t'wing nag iisa
Ano na kaya balita sayo
Naiisip mo rin kaya ako

Simula nang ikaw ay mawala
Wala nang dahilan para lumuha
Damdamin pilit ko nang tinatago
Hinahanap ka parin ng aking puso
Parang kulang nga kapag ika'y wala

(Chorus)
At ihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Ihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo...

Ala ala mong tinangay na ng hangin
Sa langit ko na lamang ba yayakapin
Nasan kana kaya, aasa ba sa wala

(Chorus)
At ihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Ihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo

Bridge: (bridge ba tawag d2? hehe ewan)
Ipipikit ko ang aking mata dahil
Nais ka lamang mahagkan
Nais ko lamang masilalayan
Kahit alam kong tapos na
Kahit alam kong wala ka na...

(Chorus)
At Hihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Hihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo

------------------------

contrary to what many believe...
im not obsessed with "HIM"...
if you know what LOVE is...
then you'd understand...

with "HIM" all logic is thrown away...

forgotten

ive been exceptionally happy for the past two days...

today its but at all different...

today, i went on a good 30 minute run around Makati...

getting back to the gym, and checking my phone...

0 messages received...

so i proceeded with my workout...

a good 30mins after, i checked my phone again...

still 0 messages received...

i must have probably done that repeatedly for the next 3 hours...

as i was fixing up...

my phone vibrated...

it was a message from my dad, looking for me...

"great", i sarcastically said...

got home, had dinner and fixed up...

still no messages...

even up to now, my phone remains lifeless...

---

if i would count the number of messages i get in a day...

i would roughly place it somewhere along the ff...

- 2 to 6 messages from globe
- 2 to 5 quotes from friends
- 2 messages from dad looking for me
- 10 to 20 messages from friends about casual conversation...

right now, this is where i count the most damage...

- 0 messages from possible dates...
- 0 messages from a non-existent boyfriend...
- 0 messages from people about inviting me out...

this post is so shallow...

but it points where my priorities are...

it points what im thinking about the most...

even with the multitude of REAL friends i have...

i feel sooooooooooooooooooooo lonely...

i feel sooooooooooooooooooooo forgotten...

i feel sooooooooooooooooooooo taken for granted...

its always been like that...

i just havent grown accustomed to it...

im waiting for numbness to set in...

---

it frightens me actually that i become jealous and angry about seeing/hearing
couples...

ive always been hopeful...

but lately...

i think life has forgotten me...

---

so this is what it feels like...

to be sooo alone...

helpless...

and forgotten...

---

good god, im such a schizo...

this is being bi-polar to you...

and i really really hate it...

=(

follow up...

it was unexpected...

but it was most welcome...

thats two nights in a row...

that youve made my day...

thank you so much...

this is the reason why u make

forgetting you so difficult...

i hate it...

and yet i love how you make me feel...

true calling

today i can say, ive rested on my passion...

and no amount of money can make me go back
to what i was doing before...

this is freedom baby...

tough love actually...

but freedom is way way sweet...

i am privileged to be one of the minority...

the few who have found their passion...

this is it...

now if only passion pays in cash...

life would be all great =)

on purpose

so today i had an interview...

for the position of java consultant for a small IT firm in ortigas...

guess what...

i purposely fucked it all up...

and i don't feel guilty about it...

in fact, i feel so empowered...

and free...

dude...

i tell you...

somethings definitely wrong with me...

* toinks *

happiness

happiness comes in the most unexpected ways...

and i have to say, thanks for making me happy today...

that hour and a half spent was well more than a day for me...

i wished that it wouldnt end...

but all the same, thank you...

also, that email was the perfect icing on the cake...

its slowly paying off...

thats one door open...

keep the blessings pouring in...

tonight...

i know tonight should not bother me...

but it does...

there is a pinch in my heart...

envy flows once again through my veins...

when will i feel that tight hug...

that sweet sincere kiss...

i am not in love with the idea of love...

i may appear like it...

i dont know really...

i just want someone to want me...

someone who i find matches me in all possible ways...

tonight bothers me because out of everyone i know...

i remain single and dateless...

yes it bothers me to be alone...

to feel sooo unwanted...

despite having loads and loads of real friends...

there is that feeling of being alone...

tonight should not bother me at all...

but it does...

it really really does...

* sniff *

designbyhumans entry 2 votation

Hey guys, my second entry is now up for votation
on DesignByHumans/DBH (www.designbyhumans.com)...

Id appreciate it much if you guys could join DBH and
click my link below to vote for my design...

http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/61705

thanks =)

designbyhumans entry 1 votation

Urban B-Boy (DBH Entry # 01)













Hey guys, I just entered my first
shirt design on DesignByHumans
/DBH (www.designbyhumans.com)...

Id appreciate it much if you guys could join DBH and
click my link below to vote for my design...
http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/61570

thanks =)

Kennys Open'09 Urbanite Run Race Results

its official...

i logged in 15k for less than 01:32:00...

hell yeah...

holla!

broken

i find myself holding on to the what-ifs..

i blame you...

why are you so hard to forget...

why are you so hard to unlove...

i blame myself...

for not being able to move forward...

for not being able to let go...

...

...

i find myself once again...

needing to be fixed...

then again, i guess i was broken all this time...

and no one just cared enough to fix me...

i wish you could...

...

...

Kennys Open'09 Urbanite Run

Despite the pain...

I pushed on...

I was determined to finish my first 15k...

I did...

Logged in at 01:32:00...

Not bad...

=)

Now, I have all the right in the world to brag... lol...

Nah, now I have all the right in the world to eat heartily til Sunday...

Skip my cardio workout for awhile...

And just relax...

=)

Tonight was AMAZING...

daemon villamil test site... =)

hey guys...

the test site for my online portfolio is up...

please click daemonvillamil

would appreciate feedback on what you think about it...

thanks much... =)

NOTE: works best on Mozilla FireFox... (still working out the kinks in IE)

in technicolor...

weird how i go from one emotion to another in split seconds...

well not really seconds - days actually...

starting off rough...

dazed, confused and worried...

i find myself strangely calm...

inspired, cool and collected...

so tonight, as i bond with the four pillows in my bed...

i will conjure up dreams in technicolor...

a tribute to corazon aquino...

I figured much that I owe every bit of my freedom to Cory Aquino.
So here is my tribute to a woman who has given inspiration to so many...

Cory Aquino, I salute you...

Corazon Aquino
January 25, 1933 - August 1, 2009

Live on now in the arms of our Father.