quoted...

"People who seldom commit mistakes, make the biggest and stupidest mistakes." - Daemon

Childhood - Michael Jackson

One of my all-time favorite Michael Jackson songs from his catalog...

I totally can relate...

though Ive had my childhood, I think what Ive lost were my teenage years...
the mistakes, the high-school concept of love... everything...

And I'm just living them all right now...

Thus the 'screwed' up life...

Then again, things will turn out for the better...

Im sure of it...

RIP Michael Jackson, may you find true peace and love in Heaven...

----

Childhood
Michael Jackson

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood
I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?

People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had

Have you seen my Childhood...

it would be nice...

if only someone would appreciate all the efforts i give...

if only someone would treat me more than a friend...

if only someone would hold me tight and tell me everything will be ok...

if that someone was YOU...

funny thought...

was watching Hercules over at Disney this afternoon...

and a funny thought occurred...

'YOU' remind me of the Disney Hercules...

hehe...

from the stature, the physique...

the attitude...

"YOU'RE" a dead ringer...

damn dude...

this adds more to hoping...

and longing...

damn it... im still hung up on you...

you're my Hercules...

you're my wonderboy...

* sigh *

* sigh *

is it too much to ask for somebody to romantically love me?

im tired of being a spectator...

i just want to be happy...

still at it...

Its funny how people perceive that you and me are an item...

For most of them, it comes of as a joke...

For me, it only fuels the hope that someday you and me would be...

Funny how people wonder why you react the way you do when they bring me up to you...

Ive been wondering that myself for such a long long time...

But I gave up figuring you out...

I still catch your glances...

And I guess you catch me with mine...

Its nearly 3 years already...

And we're still at it...

Whatever it is...

We're still at it...

You've been with your significant other...

I've lost mine...

I've dated around, met new people...

And yet, none have progressed into anything romantic...

And I found myself drawn back to you as always...

I can't express in words how I felt on my way home...

That little chit chat was more than enough to make me giddy like a little boy opening a gift...

As the lift opened to the Ground Floor, I asked the obvious, "Going home?"

"Yeah, I'm not feeling well..." You said with that cute expression on your face...

"Swine flu? Hahaha" I jokingly said

"Hahaha... Nope. Feeling a bit feverish. I guess its just me, I don't know really." You answered

"Really now? Can I have a feel?" I asked politely

I took you're not responding as a 'Yes' and I extended my right-hand on your left cheek

"Come on man, that's barely a fever..." I reacted

Reacting back, "Really? Well, maybe I guess its just me... Ehr, you're working out tomorrow the same time, right?"

"Yeah I am. Guess Ill be seeing you then." I said.

"Yep, so this is my stop, I need to go the other side to catch my ride." You said...

"OK. Take care on your way home. Get well and rest easy. Bye." As I said, smiling

"OK. Bye. See you tomorrow." You said smiling

As I watch you walk away slowly, a sudden surge of endorphins engulfed my body...

Yes you have that effect on me...

Wouldn't it be funny, that at the end of this book things would fall into place...

Yes, I'm still hoping...

Stupid to say...

But I am...

True, that I've said that I'm tired...

But that doesn't mean I'm stopping...

Besides, the greatest love around is the one that's worth all the hurt and hopelessness...

Martyrdom to some...

Stupid to some...

But this is how I am with him...

I AM TRULY HEAD-OVER-HEELS-IN-LOVE with YOU...

* blush *

life is...

life is good
life is great
life is unbelievable
life is hard, life is cruel
life is so beautiful
ooh yeah ooh yeah

- Life Is Good, LFO

starting today right

after a night of dinner and movie with gym friends...

i was set on starting my Sunday right...

though i wasn't able to register for the 2009 Mizuno Infinity Run,
i had my heart set on running 10K...

for a 10K first timer i logged in at 1:01:05...

not bad...

i think...

not to mention, seeing 'HIM' at the run just completed my day...

i can now go to sleep with a big smile on face...

how i wish i could start everyday like this...

anyway, here's to the next run...

hoping to do 10k for something less than an hour...

dang...

i think I'm hooked...

whats not to hate...

lets start it off with meeting the wrong kind of guys...

with a side-dish of not meeting the right kind of guys...

add it off with being naive, stupid, gullible and desperate...

then...

top it off with starting the morning with no electricity from 2AM to 8AM...

getting denied for non-immigrant visa for work just because i don't have
proof of having strong ties with the company...

and then some...

what is there to love about my life?

thing is, i guess there's more to hate about it...

i fucking hate myself right now...

what was and what will be

i used to entertain thoughts of a future with you...

now, i hope that karma visits you in the form of a raging 10-wheeler truck...

* hell hath no fury like a gay guy scorned *