and the clouds are clear

so....

apparently...

my not doing OT...

is a big issue...

interesting...

very very interesting...

thoughts...

my head constantly wanders...

why is it, now that i have so much friends...

i still feel so alone...

i still feel so invisible...

i still feel unworthy...

why is it, that friends see so much of who i am..

see so much that i can offer as a potential boyfriend...

but to some i just never seem enough...

i know that karma is playing her cards here...

but sue me for being picky...

i worked damn hard for where i a now...

i surely deserve better things...

and I WILL NEVER setlle...

fuck it...

i wish someone would give me a break...

* knocks on air *

you up there...

you heard that?

i deserve a good break...

in everything...

realizations...

there are somethings that we can never be...

no matter how hard we try...

we just cant...

..

..

...

im a patient man...

but recently im really really really growing tired of waiting...

im spent...

and i honestly dont want to take part of it anymore...

'sawa na akong maghintay'...

'sawa na akong umasa sa pagasa'...

---

theres too much expected from me...

and i understand that..

but please do put in your work-filled-mind...

that unlike you...

i live a different life-style...

im YOUNG...

and theres soooooo much that the world can offer....

i dont want to wake up one day and see everything has passed me by...

i dont want to wake up one day and be like the NORMAL, COMMON, EVERYDAY MAN that you guys are contented being with...

im not...

and i never will be...

i am EXTRAORDINARY...

,,,

ok...

i know im 'paulit-ulit na lang' about this...

theres no excuse really...

but i just gots to say...

---

its a given...

satruday night-outs are fun...

i crave for the company...

i crave to go out, dress-up and just dance...

but at the same time, i also 'yearn' to be validated...

its just that noooooooo matter how hard i try...

its just not friggin' enough...

i know its not the place...

but it would be nice to get noticed...

even in a small way...

i fucking deserve better...

damn it...

i fucking deserve the best...

just a thought...

as i was pondering, to which i usually do...

something struck me...

what if two souls, which is androgynous in nature, were meant to be together

but certain circumstances does not allow them to be?

its a sad position to find one-self in...

im trusting my instinct on this one...

and im putting myself out there (as always)...

yes... i have a strong feeling that WE are kindred souls...

soul-mates...

laugh and cringe for all you want...

its what i believe in...

its what BOTH the heart and mind is telling me...

'di na ako natuto'...

yes, ill never learn...

and ill never tell my heart to stop...

thats one thing you should never do...

even when the odds are stacked against you...

im hoping...

i always do...