directions

if all directions that i have taken...

led to my heart being broken...

then where does one go from here?

the truth...

the truth is...

everytime i see same-sex-male couples...

my inner-self, crawls to a corner...

bows my head, and i find my inner-self sobbing...

yes... im green with envy...

sure, i'm as happy as the next single gay guy out there...

but as i look at how happy they are..

at how they're building their future...

i weep for my current situation...

is happiness to much to ask for?

i think i deserve it...

i guess, that love story i was expecting God to finish writing...

isnt yet finished...

that or...

i was never meant to have one...

...

...

tired...

im so tired...

everything is...

from my heart to my brain to my body...

but the thought of not being you is driving me to push more...

to exert more...

im not giving up...

not just yet...

lost

Ive forgotten how it is to love myself.

Ive forgotten the feeling of being loved.

Ive now lost hope and belief in love.

what the hell...

ok, so i think im getting into something serious here...

im excited for the future...

but it scares the shitload out of me...

the thought of it gives me goosebumps...

theres alot to consider with this one...

i dont think im ready yet...

i dont think im ready to be an adult yet...

the decisions needed on this one requires maturity...

knowing me...

im still not there...

frack...

come on...

what the hell am i thinking about getting a place of my own...

when i barely have a job...

and to top it all on that, there is a probability that...

that...

hmmm...

cant let the cat out of the bag yet...

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

this is sooooo frustrating...