.:: daemon

a crazy little thing called love

2011-09-12T07:03:00.001+08:00

on one of those strange occassions where i opted to stay-in on a saturday night, i decided to do just watch a DVD since there was nothing good on tv...

i started to go through the pile of DVDs i got months ago...

and i found my copy of the movie "Crazy Little Thing Called Love (First Love)"...

a thai-movie starring Mario Maurer *drools*swoons*faints*...

to be honest, i just got the DVD because of Mario Maurer..

anyway the movie revolved around the story of P'Nam (Pimchanok) and P'Chon (Mario)...

P'Nam was head over heels with P'Chon and she did everything just to get noticed...

what P'Nam didnt know that P'Chon felt the same way for her too and what transpired throughout the whole movie was a case of missed/lost opportunity...

fortunately, at the end of the film, everything turned in favor for P'Nam and P'Chan...

as the underlying tag-line of the movies trailer, it is everyones story and funny, how at my age, i could relate to the movie...

(romantic) love is age-less and gender-less...

it is unconditional...

it, above all feelings/emotions shouldnt be governed by any boundaries...

*sigh* if only people didnt make falling-in-love complicated, because in all honesty it isnt...

---

*geez*

the movie made me miss my boyfriend alot more...

*sigh*

whats in a name...

2011-07-14T10:26:00.000+08:00

Years have passed since I first met you...

We became good friends...

We fell in love...

We fought...

We made up...

We fell out of love...

We tore a line between each others hearts...

It was a year and five months worth of memories...

There were no regrets...

Only lessons learned...

Lately, I heard news about you...

One that scared me...

One that kept me awake for a night...

At first I was selfish...

Thought of the things that you did wrong to me...

But as the moment progressed, I felt sad...

As I thought of the things that you made me feel...

Days progressed, and all doubts were confirmed...

Though it wouldnt matter really...

It just summed up the majority of what we had...

A part of me still wants to believe that it was true...

Genuine...

A line from Shakespeares Romeo and Juliet comes into mind...

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other

name would smell as sweet."

As I said, it really wouldnt matter...

But it bothers me...

And all i feel for you...

The sympathy and sadness...

Are all washed away...

Why is that even with your name...

You didnt tell me the truth..

Im only human to feel this way...

Hurt again...

But I am in no way to be cold...

Not to feel sympathy...

Not to feel sad...

Not to wish you happiness...

Not to wish you another chance at life...

I am wishing you all the things that you deserve...

Especially a second chance at life...

For both our sake...

surfacing back

2011-06-16T07:08:00.000+08:00

the past four months have been my longest absence in the blogging world...

actually before february, i had a tough time blogging about my life in 2010...

my being emo drove my literary pursuits...

but lately, i think ive gone past my emo stage...

there are times that i miss it...

being emo, and the reason why i become emo...

but i think im better where im at now...

---

so now, im surfacing back to the blogging world...

and im starting it all off with a slideshow of what made the

first half of my 2011 A-M-A-Z-I-N-G (and emo-free)...

in your eyes...

2011-02-27T14:28:00.000+08:00

when i first looked into your eyes

each breath became a thousand sighs...

my heart drummed out a thunder beat

i glowed with joy from head to feet...

when i first looked into your eyes

all time and space were paralyzed

and in that instant i was shown

a universe i had never known...

i dwell there still, in paradise,

when i looked into your eyes...

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Feb06

2011-02-06T15:57:00.001+08:00

Condura Skyway Marathon 2011...

So ok, today seals the deal...
I think Im aptly built to lift weights, do crazy ab workouts and...
run half-marathons.

Today I beat my sub-2 personal record from my 21k run during Century Tuna Runrio Leg 1; from a time of 01:59:00 to 01:57:00. Though still unofficial, Im putting full trust on my Nike+ reading - the clock on the finish line flashed at 02:00:30, a good as time still, but a sub 2hr would be fantastic still.

To all the runners today... good job.

*cheers*

Heres to more to defying our limits.

*woot*

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Feb04

2011-02-04T16:02:00.001+08:00

good movie...

good food...

and above all, great company...

=)

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan28

2011-01-28T15:57:00.001+08:00

Been stressing over the rumored changes for the past week. And my mood swings was just going haywire.

I was quiet at one point, talkative the next, irritable after a bit and ended the day at a very emo state.

This was the first Friday ever that I was in a 'bad-vibe' state.

Working out couldnt lift me out of my state.

Not even spending time with my barkada.

Today was a very 'bad-vibe' Friday.

And I hate this feeling.

*crosses-fingers*

Hoping that the 'bad-vibe' stops tonight.

I need to be back to my old happy-emo self by the weekend.

fighter

2011-01-28T09:30:00.000+08:00

im a fighter through and through

i kept fighting even though i knew there was no hope

this is me

this is how i came to be

stronger

better

and wiser

everything i wasnt years ago...

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan23

2011-01-23T15:54:00.001+08:00

So today was the DLSU Greentenial Run at fort.

This is the first organized run Ive joined since Addidas KOTR 2010 last October 2010.

I ran alone, because my running buddies werent really feeling well. At first I wanted to not run, but then again I thought that this will be my gauge for the Condura 2011 run on Feb 6 2011.

I joined the 15k category.

Ive ran 21k before and Ive even conquered 42k - but this run made me nervous.

I honestly dont know why, but there were more butterflies in my stomach here than in my 42k run.

It took me 01:20:00 to finish the whole 15k route - a good 4mins off my previous 15k record. But damn, my pace was slow - I need to pick it up if Im targetting a sub-2hr run for my 21k in Condura.

Shits.

Suddenly Im nervous about that 21k.

Geez.

mind over matter, Daemon...

mind over matter...

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan18

2011-01-18T15:52:00.001+08:00

Lately Ive been doing less cardio workout (well, from thrice a week down to twice a week) - and have been increasing my resistance training.

See, one of my 2011 resolutions is to get 'all' excess skin off my body. So at the end of 2011, I consulted with one of the fitness instructor at my gym.

I was asking about the use of steroid to achieve my goal. And of course, as instructor he was all for pushing the best option - and to him, the best option was for me to start using steroids, BUT with proper guidance.

Now I know that there is some truth to what he is saying. But in all honesty, I think its part of his ploy to get me to sign up for PT Sessions - to which I dont think I really need.

Believe me, I know well enough how to set my workout routines.

Anyway going back.

So with me, half believing and half doubting the use of steroids finally decided that all I need to do was to put extra effort in working out.

This includes a bit of change in diet and change in workout routine.

One of those changes that Im greatly enjoying so much, is what I have for lunch everyday at work.

Since I started my program, Ive been having three (3) slices of bread and a mug-full of Milo chocolate drink - in addition, I eat rice at night (either three spoonfuls to one cup).

Shocking to some. But eating rice is one of lifes simplest guiltiest pleasures.

And oh how I missed it.

But dont get me wrong, my current workout program has been effective.

Ive been bulking up.

Ive been pulling heavier weights.

And to top it all off, Ive seen some improvements on some of my target areas.

*woot*

All I need now is patience; now I wonder how Ill look like at the end of 2011...

hmmmm...

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan16

2011-01-16T06:09:00.000+08:00

So Ive been craving for Wendys Frostee since Thursday this week. The texture and flavor just begs for orgasm. =)

So despite the extreme laziness and the Mcdonalds Cheeseburger meal I had early early, like 3am early, I got fixed up and headed to the park square branch of Wendys and got myself a LARGE frostee.

Yum yum yum...

Strangely enough Im not that worried with my diet.

Hmm...

Metabolism must be picking up.

About time...

*woot*

This means more frostees!

*burp*

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan13

2011-01-13T06:05:00.001+08:00

Well there goes the diet... =)

But then again, eating with my team mates at Globe is great. I can never turn down an opportunity to get together with my team mates.

They have become more than my team mates. They've become my third family.

Thanks Bunnie and Erwin for the pizza treat...

Happy Birthday to both of you.

*cheers*

*burp*

Uh oh, though the meryenda treat was great, this means extra effort at the gym...

*woot*

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan12

2011-01-12T06:02:00.001+08:00

So, just because I love both my barkadas so much, I decided to make a collage and make it my office wallpaper.

And yeah, todays a bit "petiks" day - so I had a lot of free time on my hand. =)

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan10

2011-01-10T05:59:00.001+08:00

So today, I visited Globes' Business Center at our building to pay my monthly bill and have my SuperPlan subsctiption changed.

It took me less than 5mins to finish paying my bill. The cashier was fast and efficient, the best in my opinion.

Next was to have my SuperPlan subscription changed. There were at least two people in front of me. So the first one was this lady who was having her iPhone checked.

Hohum. Apparently, from what I gathered shes basically asking how to use it, the basic functionalities - how to surf, go on FB - you know, the BASIC stuff.

Geez. Come on! Why get a phone that is that functionality rich when, 1) you dont know how to use it - even the BASIC functions, and 2) youre on Prepaid (unless youre not like me who is extremely dependent on a Data Plan).

It took them roughly 20mins to finish the consultation. FUCK! Geez woman, theres an online manual for it. Then again with the way she looked, I doubt that she even knows how to properly operate a microwave.

After 25mins, it was my turn. I was through in less than 5 freakin' mins. Thats the way you fo it.

Damn. That lady really ticked me off. Even the attending CS Agent bowed her head after in frustration.

If I were her, Id do more than just that.

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan08

2011-01-08T05:56:00.001+08:00

Heyo.

Walking around GHills with Philipp searching for his new phone, I came across this.

Apparently they were right.

There is sense of pride that one feels when you see one of your campaigns in public - no matter how hohum the campaign is.

Hohum you say, ask my sponsor *wink*.

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan07

2011-01-07T05:52:00.001+08:00

Ok so first things first. I honestly didnt expect that this picture would turn out the way it did.

How I wish I was the subject of this photo, but unfortunately I wasnt. It was actually a "cute" guy that I spotted this morning on my way to work.

Now stalker-ish as it may seem, we've all been a stalker, at some level before. I dont deny that fact.

Maybe Im just uber observant, bordering on stalker-ish already...

tee hee... here me defend myself.

Anyway I hope I get a chance to see this cutie at work.

This officially gives me another reason to stay with Globe.

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan05

2011-01-05T05:49:00.000+08:00

Now that summer is just around the corner, everyones gone stark raving mad with going on 'crash' diets and enrolling in gyms. For some, this is a yearly ritual that disappears right after summer ends.

Poor fools.

I go on a 'diet' just because its my way to recover all the food that ive taken in during the holidays - so for todays lunch, i had two wheat bread sandwich with sliced cheese and mushrooms.

To support my 'diet', Ive been working extra hard with my resistance training.

And I suppose its working.

I 'think' I fit better in my clothes.

I 'think' I look better than months before.

Looks like I won't be needing that 'shot' after all.

But then again, that is still an option.

Lets see in the next few months

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan03

2011-01-03T05:41:00.001+08:00

First day of work at Globe Towers Mandaluyong for 2011.

Strangely enough, while everyones dreading the end of the holiday vacation I was excited to get back to work. This coming from a person who has worn the 'i-hate working' badge on his chest for years.

Its no secret that I have been enjoying my time at EGG/Globe. This is due to both the people I work with and the nature of my work.

My only wish though is that Globe would transfer to Makati - which is a bit weird, because Globe is an Ayala-owned company, but their HO is nowhere near Ayala.

Then again, I have been enjoying the commute to and fro work via bus. Weird, I know.

Anyway it looks like Ill be seeing more months/years here.

*woot*woot*

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan02

2011-01-02T05:44:00.001+08:00

First mass of 2011 at Sacred Heart Makati.

I usually end up having this feeling of comfort after hearing mass, but tonight was totally different.

The priest that presided the mass over-extended his Homily to more than 30mins. I would be more than open to listen for the whole time, but the priest just went on and on and on in circles. To make it worse, there was little to no connect with the days Gospel.

It was pure torture.

Adding insult to injury, there were these kids who kept on playing along the aisle. I wanted to go up to their mum and dad and give them a lesson or two about disciplining their kid.

Gawd, it was irritating.

I miss the days when masses were solemn.

Then again, Im no poster child for solemnity.

2011 in 365+ Angles - 11Jan01

2011-01-01T05:29:00.003+08:00

To most, the Bedroom is where all the 'magic' happens; to me, my workspace is where all my creative 'juices' are poured into - and oh how I missed working here.

So, to greet 2011, I cleaned up my home workspace which was left to accumulate clutter and dust for the past six months.

Similar to me, its nothing spectacular on the outside, but awesomeness lies somewhere here.

the status (so far)

2010-12-05T03:44:00.000+08:00

october 29, 2010 - big fish's annual cream ball,

that was the last time i partied...

and before that...

i think it was the annual mid-year Pride party in malate...

there were alot of in-between 'drinking' sessions at the ultralounge...

its quite a long time since i hanged out with my friends...

and i terribly miss them...

i dunno... i dont have any issues really with partying or drinking or

even with my friends...

but i guess, either my perspective or priorities have shifted...

i know my friends will always be there...

the parties will always be there...

the booze will always be there...

im not getting old...

age is not an issue with me...

as far as im concerned, i will never allow myself to get old...

anyway going back, i think now it boiled down to...

what else will make me happy...

and i think you and i know what my main focus in life now is...

though it will be another year...

i am hoping that next year, ill be back partying...

but i also hope that next year, what i wish for will come true...

the same old story

2010-11-14T17:22:00.000+08:00

its the same old story...

meet someone...

exchange messages...

set up a date...

still more exchanges of messages...

occasional calls...

go on a date...

exchange pleasantries...

and if by some stroke of luck,

you end up making out or more...

after that, you think everythings ok...

you think that this guy is different...

and that its all going to work out well...

then things change...

there are no more calls...

there are no more exchange of messages...

they disappear of all a sudden...

some come back and give you excuses...

and eventually you become just friends...

while others don't even care at all..

this has been my story...

my same old sad story...

* sigh *

giving up

2010-09-30T19:07:00.000+08:00

ive never figured myself to be the type who would give up on love

ive always been hopeful and has always believed that my time for love will come

but ive been hurt so many times

that im blinded with all the negativity

and

hopelessness,

and im hanging on to hope with a single finger...

im just about ready to give up...

irony

2010-09-15T10:53:00.000+08:00

funny how the word gay is used to describe people like me

and yet we find ours 'kind' sad most of the time...

unchanged...

2010-09-12T18:03:00.000+08:00

funny how time flies so fast...

people grow-up..

people change...

some get married...

some have kids...

some chase their dreams...

some become successful...

and yet i find myself standing in the middle of it all...

unchanged...

i seem to be stuck in this hole of contentment...

im not...

i feel helpless though...

because whatever i do, i just seem to miserably fail at it...

im no total failure...

i have 'small' achievements in life...

but compared to what MOST have...

im at the bottom of the pack...

and what ive achieved so far...

are but mere specks in the bigger scheme of things...

i am unchanged...

and i wonder...

when will i turn the corner...

i need change...

a drastic one...

i need one fast...

mistakes

2010-09-05T10:06:00.000+08:00

i could cry with every mistake ive made but mistakes are there to remind us how human we are and how better we can be

- daemon

the good guy

2010-08-30T18:09:00.000+08:00

id like to believe that good guys get what they justly deserve...

but the world doesnt work that way...

in this fucked up world, good guys finish last...

and commonly (borrowing something from Batman: The Dark Knight)

if youve been the good guy for a long time, you end up seeing yourself

throwing the towel and just turning your coat over and be the bad guy...

i wish the world would just flip over and things would change...

i used to be a good guy...

and lately...

i dont know what i am...

* sigh *

the opposite of everything

2010-08-08T15:08:00.000+08:00

i've waited a long time for someone i could fall in love with

i've watied for the moment that i could sing to you all the love songs in the world

you came and everything seemed all right

but now im afraid to say it

but theres a song playing in my head

and its not the one i expected that i would sing to you

the tears i would see are not the ones that i anticipated

and i dont know how to make everything alright

...

2010-07-30T07:32:00.000+08:00

talks shit about a lot of people

because i have balls to stand up

and get right in front of their faces

...

i am unapologetic,

brutally honest

and fearless

...

this is what makes me more than ordinary

this is what makes me real...

leave it to me

2010-05-12T09:57:00.000+08:00

apparently i was wrong...

i wasnt the strong-willed...

know-it-all guy...

i thought i knew how to handle things...

i though i knew how it is to 'love'...

apparently i dont...

i though i was always the victim...

now im a fiend...

the one thing i promised myself to not become...

sigh...

leave it to me to fuck things up...

to this, i say im sorry...

post election thoughts...

2010-05-11T04:48:00.000+08:00

may 10 2010...

the first ever automated elections in the Phil...

with majority of Filipinos taking responsibility for the

well being of their country, yesterday - i think was a huge

turnout for new/old voters...

despite the heat, unorganized handling of voters, voting location

(at least in my precinct) and rude (common) people...

i pushed on so i can vote...

a good couple of hours after the polling precincts closed, there

were already partial results...

i voted for GIBO...

it seems he's trailing behind the front-runners AQUINO and

* gasps * ESTRADA...

sad really...

but we HAVE to RESPECT the voice of the majority...

i opened my FB this morning, as with any morning =)...

lo and behold...

many are already sour-graping...

many are already expressing 'disgust' at the result...

i even saw one post this on his fb...

'I'm on the side of the losing election party. Wahahahaha.'

Now thats narrow thinking...

i think it would be better for us to 'support' the winning candidates...

and also, whats this i hear about people who DIDNT vote...

but are already complaining on the process and the results...

fuck off..

you dont have ANY right...

if youve only done your fair share then things might and possibly be different..

...

so i say...

lets stop pulling each other down...

stop 'complaining' and actually do something 'productive' about it...

do something 'positive'...

gawd....

ive seen enough 'people power' and revolt in my lifetime...

what i want to see now is 'progress' for this country...

looking back

2010-04-02T14:10:00.000+08:00

ok...

see here...

despite all my drama about NO guy liking me...

well, i guess there's no truth there...

there are...

those who see me in a different light...

trust me to appreciate them...

i do...

i have this guilt whenever i unintentionally hurt peoples feelings...

anyway...

lately it seems that most guys who i have left 'hanging'...

have found someone...

it leads me to think that this is kharma for being too choosy...

for having too high standards...

true...

i do...

its no excuse to say, but ive always set 'HIM' as the basis...

'HE' is the standard that i compare guys too...

yeah, guess im not over him...

i never really was...

'HE' has everything that im looking for in a guy...

besides the physical attributes...

hes funny...

hes real...

hes humble...

hes dedicated...

and i think id feel safe with him...

the sad part is...

everything i feel isnt mutual...

holding on to 'HIM' hasnt been alot of help...

in meeting new guys...

in moving on...

i try...

believe me...

guess what im trying to say...

looking back...

i havent moved on...

yet..

i just dont know when ill be able to...

or who will be that one person to make me forget about 'HIM'...

* sigh *

oddity

2010-03-30T17:08:00.000+08:00

i may sound bitter with what im about to say...

but its the honest truth...

on observation...

i wonder why some hot straight guys...

go for a little less than mediocre girls/guys...

i just dont get it...

cliche to say, it must be love...

oh pish-tosh...

our brains are wired to be initially physically attracted...

i get that...

so in the order of things...

i know where im leveled on...

but puhlease...

come on...

i personally know of two straight good looking guys...

who have far less than mediocre girl-friends...

one of the girls aint bad...

but far from his level...

the other one...

good lord...

lets just say she doesnt even meet the standards of what

is average...

read - fat, dark and so classless...

fine... im bitter...

this goes the same for guys who have ugly boyfriends...

gawd...

at some level i just cannot fathom the fact...

geez...

and i wonder why im single...

give me enough credit...

i guess i have a right to stand on my own soapbox every now and then...

...

...

its an oddity i tell you...

a strange occurrence of nature...

* bitter *

bittersweet fridays...

2010-03-26T09:40:00.000+08:00

my fridays are bittersweet...

friday signals the end of the tiring and long work week...

but also,

friday signals the start of two lonely days...

* sigh *

the thing with karma...

2010-03-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

ive always believed in the concept of karma...

but lately it seems that karma is not working the way its s'posed to...

its either that or the world is just fucked up that it allows those
who don't deserve to get 'good' karma...

i think the world is fucked up...

i mean come on, cheaters, players... those that deserve 'bad'
karma - are those the ones that actually get more 'guys'...

i dont wash my hands off anything ive done before...

but compared to most of the 'friends' i know... what ive done
is incomparable to what they've done...

i despise people who lie and those who cheat... and those
who think its ok to do so...

and yet, these are the same people who get to have it all...

and it sucks...

so much...

why cant i have what 'they' have...

dont i deserve a reward for being by-the-book?

for being a relatively good guy...

im going to be selfish and say - yes...

karma... work with me, why dont you...

come on... all im asking for are a couple of breaks...

come on...

please...

being lonely doesnt sit well with me...

it just doesnt...

* sigh *

unchanged...

2010-03-08T17:51:00.000+08:00

for the past few months...

i thought that i have changed...

i though life finally gave me a break...

well i thought wrong...

life still plays favorites...

those that have - get more...

and it frustrates me to the core...

dont i deserve that?

just a little bit of what i want...

what i need...

is that too much too ask?

* sigh *

at the other end...

2010-01-26T08:42:00.000+08:00

lately i find myself at the other end...

it seems nice to be on this side..

even for awhile...

though its strange...

and i really dont know what to do...

i have this 'try-to-please-attitude'...

so i just cant put myself to do that...

but now i understand 'why'...

its weird...

not that im complaining or anything..

but this is what it feels to be...

at the other end...

the way things are...

2010-01-16T05:20:00.000+08:00

so its been 4 mos since i started with my work...

also a month of moving back and forth from our office in makati

to another office in mandaluyong...

the first few times was a complete struggle...

i could never leave makati...

the sights, sounds, smell...

the people...

its different...

ive always said that makati is my new york...

and most people would agree it is...

so the thought of leaving makati is a bit too hard...

but, the work i do is really growing on me...

im slowly slowly learning the ropes...

and its fun...

this is a strange feeling for me...

especially with regards to work...

ive never been the type to be this 'concerned' with work before...

maybe i like the people at my office...

maybe i just respect them that much...

i like what i do now...

strange as it is...

this is completely different...

its weird...

but its just the way things are...

hey you...

2010-01-02T13:36:00.000+08:00

i miss you...

i really really miss you...

just even the thought...

i guess what i say is really different from what i feel...

i guess im still holding on...

but i know i shouldnt...

i love you...

i still do...

and that will never ever change...

just say it...

2009-12-31T11:35:00.000+08:00

you can have me all to yourself...

just say it...

ill gladly drop everything...

just say it...

i just dont want to alone no more...

just say it...

quotes...

2009-11-23T10:10:00.000+08:00

"If pain must come, may it come quickly.

Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible.

If he has to make a choice, may he make it now.

Then I will either wait for him or forget him.

Waiting is painful.

Forgetting is painful.

But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

- Paulo Coelho

-----

i held on too long...

i suffered the most...

in the end...

i was the loser..

how things turn outnthat

2009-11-22T17:37:00.000+08:00

id like to think that im one of the good guys...

the one whos worth someones time...

i try to be that guy really...

but my heart cant lie...

ive found my soulmate...

but fate has dealt me a different card...

and im dealing with things the way i know how...

just to fill that void...

the emptiness...

i know its a temporary fix...

but i try to get by with what i get...

even if its not what my heart wants...

it saddens me to think...

that ive become what ive hated before...

but i understand why people get into it...

id like to be better than that...

hope it changes soon...

...

statement signs...

2009-11-18T07:30:00.000+08:00

'nuff said...

so far so good...

2009-10-26T06:37:00.000+08:00

i havent been blogging lately...

as much as i would want to...

im just tooooo exhausted to open up a new entry...

id rather curl up and watch tv...

and eat...

damn, ive been eating like crazy almost every weekend...

this alarms me...

anyway, october has been a good vibe month for me...

i started work last oct 5... and strangely enough... the doubt has passed...

though theres a new issue...

im sure that after a couple of days (eep... weeks), everything will be ayt...

im slowly starting to like where im at...

i just hope that it doesnt go awry...

because for once, i like the people... i like the job... i even like my boss...

so im hoping that everything will turn out for the good...

besides having a new job...

october marks the 27th year of my life...

last october 24 me and a couple of friends celebrated my bday...

along with another friend whose bday was a week before...

we had brunch/carboloading at salcedo park...

the food was delicious...

being home made and everything, it was soooo delicious...

the only qualm about that place is that there are no 'good' seats...

literally...

despite warning that i should rest for the race the day after...

i still went ahead with my plan... and hmmm... did something..

totally not me...

lets just * wink * at this one... hehe

but im sure glad that i did...

and ill be doing it more often than not... * lol *

so come the 25th... race day...

this was my first 21k ever...

and im scared shitless...

good thing, i was able to relax the day before...

the call time was at 5am... slept at 12am up by 2am and race ready by 430am...

yeah, i was that excited...

race time... i started exactly at 530am...

there was a feeling of tension and fear...

the thought, what if i couldnt finish this race...

and i was scared to see that that happen...

i set my mind forward to 9am... thinking of what could happen after...

and it worked...

the route was familiar, with a few kilometers of new route...

but all in all i enjoyed it...

my goal was to finish it and not compete with everyone else...

each step i took was tiring...

but it was also fulfilling...

and the adrenalin just pumped me out more...

a good 2hrs and 12mins later... i was done...

i finished it...

the sweat and exhaustion was completely obliterated at the sight of the finish line...

i was proud of myself for finishing 21k...

after the run, i was fast forward thinking to nov 15's run - Timex...

definitely running 21k again...

=) *woot woot*

life couldnt be great right now...

well it could be greater... and id appreciate another push...

so far so good...

october 2009 has been the best so far...

and i wouldnt have it any other way else...

...

* cheers *

first week...

2009-10-10T07:24:00.000+08:00

so its been a week since ive started in my new job...

frankly...

ive been having doubts...

stupid to have doubts about it when ive already signed the contract...

i dont know really...

theres a lot of mixed emotions in me...

at one side, im happy to be back in the 'work' force...

excited to learn new things...

excited for all the possibilities...

but then theres the other side...

i feel sad for putting my 'dreams' on the backseat again...

i feel sad for the possibility that never came to realization...

i feel sad for going against what ive been preaching for the past 7 mos...

hmmm...

maybe thats it...

its the real reason why theres so much conflict going on around me...

im disappointed for subjecting myself to something that i dont love...

im disappointed for putting my dreams aside because of the circumstance, bad timing and lack of resource...

im disappointed for allowing OTHER people to take control of my dreams leaving me powerless to steer my future...

dreams dont wait...

they run fleeting from dreamers...

its up to the dreamers to take hold of their destiny...

i BABBLE all about these stuff...

and yet i find myself 'stuck' in a position where i feel i shouldnt be...

i am a sell-out...

a turn-coat to my own principles...

---

so its been a week since ive started in my new job...

its also been more than week since ive been crying...

im crying because im back to being normal...

average...

i know im more than that...

i wont settle to be just average...

im here to do more...

im here to be someone...

---

if it will take me 10 or more jobs to get to that 'goal'...

if sacrifices are needed to reach that dream, then sacrifice i shall...

what i just worry is time...

a life-time is not enough to live life...

theres so much room for mistakes...

theres so much room to learn...

theres so much room for regrets...

theres so much room for everything...

---

i think ive made a big mistake...

and i think i have to correct this ASAP...

life wont wait for me...

i have to catch up...

i seriously have to...

* sigh *

wandering thoughts

2009-10-04T17:40:00.000+08:00

wandering thoughts...

- "Oo, mahal kita... as if you didnt know..."

- some people fall in love, i had to crash into it...

- coz im hopeful, yes i am, hopeful for today

- 21 on 25 for 27

- 05Oct09 officially ends my 7mos vacation, back to the workforce, im officially a corporate slut-hoe... * lol *... keeping the positive vibes...

* sigh *

these are the thoughts that fly above my head...

damn...

shoulder...

2009-09-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

i find it weird...

how people find me as a shoulder to cry on...

an ear to listen to...

a confidant of secrets...

when it counts the most, i can actually keep a secret you know...

but the thing is, i find it all weird...

especially when its all about 'love'...

advices i give are usually home runs...

and hit big with the one asking for it...

how ive come to this is really strange...

considering that im single and loveless...

hmmmm...

in a pathetic attempt to answer my own question...

i guess im feeding off the experiences of others...

im feeding off from everything ive come across...

* sigh *

i still find it weird...

* wonders *

Sa'yo

2009-09-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

Sa `yo

South Border

ilang ulit kong sasabihin
bigyan mo ng pansin ang puso ko
di mo ba 'to nakikita
masdan mo na,nagmamakaawa

[Chorus:]
ikaw na nga ang hinahanap-hanap
lang ng puso't damdamin
kailan ka magiging akin

ilang ulit kong sasabihin
dinggin mo ang sigaw ng puso ko
kahit konting pagmamahal
araw-araw kong ipinagdarasal

[Chorus:]
ikaw na nga ang hinahanap-hanap
lang ng puso't damdamin
kailan ka magiging akin

[Bridge:]
dapat ko bang isipin
na ika'y di magiging akin
paano na ang puso ko
umiiyak para sa iyo

[Chorus:]
ikaw na nga ang hinahanap-hanap
lang ng puso't damdamin
kailan ka magiging akin

---

i said i stopped chasing dreams...

i guess there still a little bit of hope...

a few more bumps...

a few more bruises...

a little more bravery...

and ill soon tell you how ive been feeling for you

these past two years...

another truth...

2009-09-18T20:00:00.000+08:00

so heres the truth...

about me and my behavior lately...

it bothers me that i sort of 'jump' from one seemingly anonymous
guy to another...

i dont sleep with them per se...

i aint promiscuous...

what gets me is that i seem to lose interest in guys i meet quickly...

i should have a 'shirt' that says short-attention-span...

for me, a guy should do alot to keep me interested...

that or the guy has to meet a certain standard to do so...

ok i guess i have to admit...

im high-maintenance...

id like to be treated well...

id like to be chased...

yeah im honest like shit...

so go figure...

when a guy doesnt do that much to keep me interested...

then i know that i dont fit their standard...

it goes both ways...

* sigh *

theres just one guy...

who im interested with...

without him doing anything...

all he needs is to be there...

to be ever present...

any guy has big big shoes to fill...

its hard to make me interested...

but i fall easy...

and when i fall, i fall hard...

...

guess what im trying to say is...

it takes alot to keep me interested...

and having high-standards doesnt really help the matter...

know this, that i fall easy and i fall hard...

* sigh *

brain fart...

URBANITYph...

2009-09-17T09:29:00.000+08:00

URBANITYph...

soon online...

mark your calendars...

09-30-09

changing...

2009-09-14T20:30:00.000+08:00

its weird how i find myself changing...

im not the MAN i used to know...

lately its as if Im turning into this guy that I totally hate...

contrary to what someone thinks of me...

i am not promiscuous...

i do not break hearts...

i make deep bonds...

i cant promise the sun and stars to the guys i meet...

what i can promise is that...

i will be worth everything...

despite my flaws and all...

daemon is changing...

daemon is changing to a better person...

---

* sings *

you aint seen the best of me yet...

give me time ill make you forget the rest...

* sings *

the week that was...

2009-09-13T08:49:00.000+08:00

the past few days have been strangely good...

my life is seemingly going to be more colorful from today...

---

my friday was totally amazing...

felt like i was on top of the world...

i hope everything works out...

my saturday was extremely amazing...

from a botched up interview that totally failed...

do i have to reiterate that IM NOT FOR IT... * lols *

to a quick but powerful and effective 1 1/2 hour workout...

to intimate and fun-filled dinner with my barkada...

to which pics will be up very very very very soon...

getting wasted on my first time in bed malate after 3mos...

it wassssssssssss soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun...

not to mention the fact...

that...

i met someone...

we'll see where this one goes... =)

all in all....

this week was crazy amazing...

next weekend is marathon week...

have to start training for my new 15k route...

hell yeah!!!

=)

i wonder..

2009-09-07T08:02:00.000+08:00

i wonder why it is...

when i decide to move forward...

have a optimistic view about my situation...

heavy rain pours on it...

and it seems that the logical option from here...

is to move a couple of steps backward...

* sigh *

the new sat...

2009-09-03T17:00:00.000+08:00

today is my new sat...

today, i didnt go to the gym...

i pigged out on mcdonalds and ate chips...

so...

today is officially my cheat day...

today is my new sat...

fuck it...

i now feel sooooo bloated... =(

that guy

2009-09-01T19:34:00.000+08:00

As another sets on...

I cant help but wonder...

When it will be my turn...

Ive had enough being the perennial best-friend...

The go-to-guy...

For once Id just like to be THAT guy to someone...

THAT guy who makes HIM smile...

THAT guy who completes HIM...

---

I know I should not declare this...

But I AM READY...

READY as Ive ever been...

Ive so much LOVE to give, and yet I have no HIM to share it with...

...

I want to be THAT GUY...

I want to be THAT GUY in YOUR LIFE...

Is all of these too much to ask?

why the drama?

2009-08-30T07:31:00.000+08:00

what if after you and a guy have had a connection...

and so much fun...

just to get this kind of message the evening after....

"honestly, that is the first and last time you would be seeing me
i know i shouldn't have meet with you in the first place cuz' im
gonna be flying to korea by tuesday to study medicine
just, treat me as a guy you had sex with
i never knew you'd be so attached, i had fun
i hope to see you again one day
im very sorry
sounds like a piece of crap, but i wont care if you do believe or not
goodluck ^_^,
this is my last message to ya"

---

my jaw dropped...

and a tear fell from my eye....

i had a feeling that it was too good to be true...

at the same time, i was angry...

for allowing myself to be vulnerable...

im always like this...

i dont know if i can trust people again...

i dont know if i can believe in hope again...

people always leave

2009-08-30T03:20:00.000+08:00

people always leave...

somehow, this is applicable in my life...

i dont know whats wrong with me...

or if theres anything wrong with me...

tricked

2009-08-29T19:43:00.000+08:00

life is really playing with me...

great...

thanks...

today, a cruel trick has been played on me...

sobrang sakit...

its not with the person per se...

its more of how fate played a cruel joke on me...

great...

great talaga...

its another blow...

literally...

Silent Sanctuary - Hiling

2009-08-28T06:13:00.000+08:00

Minsan di ko maiwasang isipan ka
Lalo na sa t'wing nag iisa
Ano na kaya balita sayo
Naiisip mo rin kaya ako

Simula nang ikaw ay mawala
Wala nang dahilan para lumuha
Damdamin pilit ko nang tinatago
Hinahanap ka parin ng aking puso
Parang kulang nga kapag ika'y wala

(Chorus)
At ihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Ihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo...

Ala ala mong tinangay na ng hangin
Sa langit ko na lamang ba yayakapin
Nasan kana kaya, aasa ba sa wala

(Chorus)
At ihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Ihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo

Bridge: (bridge ba tawag d2? hehe ewan)
Ipipikit ko ang aking mata dahil
Nais ka lamang mahagkan
Nais ko lamang masilalayan
Kahit alam kong tapos na
Kahit alam kong wala ka na...

(Chorus)
At Hihiling sa mga bituin
Na minsan pa sana ako'y iyong mahalin
Hihiling kahit dumilim
Ang aking daan na tatahakin
Patungo sa iyo, patungo sa iyo

------------------------

contrary to what many believe...
im not obsessed with "HIM"...
if you know what LOVE is...
then you'd understand...

with "HIM" all logic is thrown away...

forgotten

2009-08-27T19:02:00.000+08:00

ive been exceptionally happy for the past two days...

today its but at all different...

today, i went on a good 30 minute run around Makati...

getting back to the gym, and checking my phone...

0 messages received...

so i proceeded with my workout...

a good 30mins after, i checked my phone again...

still 0 messages received...

i must have probably done that repeatedly for the next 3 hours...

as i was fixing up...

my phone vibrated...

it was a message from my dad, looking for me...

"great", i sarcastically said...

got home, had dinner and fixed up...

still no messages...

even up to now, my phone remains lifeless...

---

if i would count the number of messages i get in a day...

i would roughly place it somewhere along the ff...

- 2 to 6 messages from globe
- 2 to 5 quotes from friends
- 2 messages from dad looking for me
- 10 to 20 messages from friends about casual conversation...

right now, this is where i count the most damage...

- 0 messages from possible dates...
- 0 messages from a non-existent boyfriend...
- 0 messages from people about inviting me out...

this post is so shallow...

but it points where my priorities are...

it points what im thinking about the most...

even with the multitude of REAL friends i have...

i feel sooooooooooooooooooooo lonely...

i feel sooooooooooooooooooooo forgotten...

i feel sooooooooooooooooooooo taken for granted...

its always been like that...

i just havent grown accustomed to it...

im waiting for numbness to set in...

---

it frightens me actually that i become jealous and angry about seeing/hearing
couples...

ive always been hopeful...

but lately...

i think life has forgotten me...

---

so this is what it feels like...

to be sooo alone...

helpless...

and forgotten...

---

good god, im such a schizo...

this is being bi-polar to you...

and i really really hate it...

=(

follow up...

2009-08-27T09:15:00.000+08:00

it was unexpected...

but it was most welcome...

thats two nights in a row...

that youve made my day...

thank you so much...

this is the reason why u make

forgetting you so difficult...

i hate it...

and yet i love how you make me feel...

true calling

2009-08-26T19:31:00.000+08:00

today i can say, ive rested on my passion...

and no amount of money can make me go back
to what i was doing before...

this is freedom baby...

tough love actually...

but freedom is way way sweet...

i am privileged to be one of the minority...

the few who have found their passion...

this is it...

now if only passion pays in cash...

life would be all great =)

on purpose

2009-08-26T11:54:00.000+08:00

so today i had an interview...

for the position of java consultant for a small IT firm in ortigas...

guess what...

i purposely fucked it all up...

and i don't feel guilty about it...

in fact, i feel so empowered...

and free...

dude...

i tell you...

somethings definitely wrong with me...

* toinks *

happiness

2009-08-25T19:36:00.000+08:00

happiness comes in the most unexpected ways...

and i have to say, thanks for making me happy today...

that hour and a half spent was well more than a day for me...

i wished that it wouldnt end...

but all the same, thank you...

also, that email was the perfect icing on the cake...

its slowly paying off...

thats one door open...

keep the blessings pouring in...

tonight...

2009-08-22T21:32:00.000+08:00

i know tonight should not bother me...

but it does...

there is a pinch in my heart...

envy flows once again through my veins...

when will i feel that tight hug...

that sweet sincere kiss...

i am not in love with the idea of love...

i may appear like it...

i dont know really...

i just want someone to want me...

someone who i find matches me in all possible ways...

tonight bothers me because out of everyone i know...

i remain single and dateless...

yes it bothers me to be alone...

to feel sooo unwanted...

despite having loads and loads of real friends...

there is that feeling of being alone...

tonight should not bother me at all...

but it does...

it really really does...

* sniff *

designbyhumans entry 2 votation

2009-08-19T18:01:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, my second entry is now up for votation
on DesignByHumans/DBH (www.designbyhumans.com)...

Id appreciate it much if you guys could join DBH and
click my link below to vote for my design...

http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/61705

thanks =)

designbyhumans entry 1 votation

2009-08-18T18:29:00.000+08:00

Urban B-Boy (DBH Entry # 01)

Hey guys, I just entered my first
shirt design on DesignByHumans
/DBH (www.designbyhumans.com)...

Id appreciate it much if you guys could join DBH and
click my link below to vote for my design...
http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/61570

thanks =)

Kennys Open'09 Urbanite Run Race Results

2009-08-18T06:28:00.000+08:00

its official...

i logged in 15k for less than 01:32:00...

hell yeah...

holla!

broken

2009-08-17T20:44:00.000+08:00

i find myself holding on to the what-ifs..

i blame you...

why are you so hard to forget...

why are you so hard to unlove...

i blame myself...

for not being able to move forward...

for not being able to let go...

...

...

i find myself once again...

needing to be fixed...

then again, i guess i was broken all this time...

and no one just cared enough to fix me...

i wish you could...

...

...

Kennys Open'09 Urbanite Run

2009-08-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

Despite the pain...

I pushed on...

I was determined to finish my first 15k...

I did...

Logged in at 01:32:00...

Not bad...

=)

Now, I have all the right in the world to brag... lol...

Nah, now I have all the right in the world to eat heartily til Sunday...

Skip my cardio workout for awhile...

And just relax...

=)

Tonight was AMAZING...

daemon villamil test site... =)

2009-08-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

hey guys...

the test site for my online portfolio is up...

please click daemonvillamil

would appreciate feedback on what you think about it...

thanks much... =)

NOTE: works best on Mozilla FireFox... (still working out the kinks in IE)

in technicolor...

2009-08-07T20:21:00.000+08:00

weird how i go from one emotion to another in split seconds...

well not really seconds - days actually...

starting off rough...

dazed, confused and worried...

i find myself strangely calm...

inspired, cool and collected...

so tonight, as i bond with the four pillows in my bed...

i will conjure up dreams in technicolor...

a tribute to corazon aquino...

2009-08-02T21:19:00.000+08:00

I figured much that I owe every bit of my freedom to Cory Aquino.
So here is my tribute to a woman who has given inspiration to so many...

Cory Aquino, I salute you...

Corazon Aquino
January 25, 1933 - August 1, 2009

Live on now in the arms of our Father.

You're only a papercut...

2009-07-25T02:46:00.000+08:00

To the one that makes me smile...

and the one that keeps on breaking my heart...

though I wish I expressed the same sentiments as the song...

Papercut
Jordin Sparks (Battlefield)

I'm okay, i'm okay
Don't keep asking me i might disintegrate
What do you want? I've moved on
Everything is going well, at least that's what i tell myself
I wish i was the Tinman so i wouldn't have a heart to break.

I'm okay, i'll survive.
I only think about you half the time
All these tears, all these drops in the ocean baby
You barley even cross my mind no, no
And it doesn't hurt that much
It was only a paper cut
It's only a paper cut, a paper cut... yeah

I forget that it's there
You keep calling and calling, you don't care
How it burns, how it stings
Just cause you can't see it bleed
Doesn't mean it don't go deep
I wish i was the Tinman so i wouldn't have a heart to break.

I'm okay, i'll survive.
I only think about you half the time
All these tears, all these drops in the ocean baby
You barley even cross my mind no, no
And it doesn't hurt that much
It was only a paper cut
It's only a paper cut, a paper cut

The more i give, the less i get
Sometimes i wish that we've never met
Cause i was fine 'til you broke through
But don't worry baby i'll get over you...
By tomorrow or the next day, or they next day, or the next day

I'm okay, i'll be fine.
I only think about you half the time
Yeahhh, yeah, yeahahhhhhh, yeahhh

I'm okay, i'll survive.
I only think about you half the time
All these tears, all these drops in the ocean baby
You barley even cross my mind no, no
Boy you wish it hurt that much
It was only a paper cut
It's only a paper cut, a paper cut

I'm okay, i'm okay

Globe RUN FOR HOME Race Results

2009-07-22T21:28:00.000+08:00

Please indulge me on this one...

Im loving this 'sport'... and Ill just better myself every time... * wishes *

Here's to more runs...

to fitness...

and to life...

I LOVE IT...

for the results, check this site out...

http://www.runpix.info/mna09/ge.php

justification

2009-07-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

You know why I really really really like him...

Its because with all the guys Ive met in my 'gay' life...

I THINK he's the only one who has seen me when I was invisible...

...

2009-07-13T20:42:00.000+08:00

apparently some friendships have an expiration date...

and you're running pretty near that already...

you're treading on 'dangerous' waters here...

you stepped over a line somewhere...

what you did was majorly uncalled for...

and this is the 2nd time that you've done it...

i wont have it again...

guess that explains why 'everything' happened the way it did in your life...

music is pure love =)

2009-07-13T07:07:00.000+08:00

other works at facebook and deviantart

new home...

2009-07-12T21:27:00.000+08:00

here another online portfolio for my artworks...

theyre more refined and 'structured' here...

http://daemonvillamil.deviantart.com/

would appreciate links, and comments to my dev art page...

i am such an attention whore...

soulmate

2009-07-12T14:37:00.000+08:00

ive found the other half of my heart...

my soulmate...

only time and destiny will tell...

if things i wish for will fall into its right place...

i will never lose hope nor will i ever be deterred...

i will endure all pain and confusion...

for the heart never lies...

love never lies...

this is a declaration of my 'strong' feelings for my soulmate...

and i don't regret feeling this way for you...

no matter what...

* mush *

lost...

2009-07-07T10:02:00.000+08:00

been going back and forth...

i cant seem to stay in one place...

i cant find myself to be satisfied...

i cant put myself to be calm...

im worried...

im really really worried...

fuck it...

everythings going downhill...

im really lost...

and i dont know how to get back...

...

...

quoted...

2009-06-30T19:04:00.000+08:00

"People who seldom commit mistakes, make the biggest and stupidest mistakes." - Daemon

Childhood - Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T19:13:00.000+08:00

One of my all-time favorite Michael Jackson songs from his catalog...

I totally can relate...

though Ive had my childhood, I think what Ive lost were my teenage years...
the mistakes, the high-school concept of love... everything...

And I'm just living them all right now...

Thus the 'screwed' up life...

Then again, things will turn out for the better...

Im sure of it...

RIP Michael Jackson, may you find true peace and love in Heaven...

----

Childhood
Michael Jackson

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood
I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?

People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had

Have you seen my Childhood...

it would be nice...

2009-06-25T21:02:00.000+08:00

if only someone would appreciate all the efforts i give...

if only someone would treat me more than a friend...

if only someone would hold me tight and tell me everything will be ok...

if that someone was YOU...

funny thought...

2009-06-21T10:53:00.000+08:00

was watching Hercules over at Disney this afternoon...

and a funny thought occurred...

'YOU' remind me of the Disney Hercules...

hehe...

from the stature, the physique...

the attitude...

"YOU'RE" a dead ringer...

damn dude...

this adds more to hoping...

and longing...

damn it... im still hung up on you...

you're my Hercules...

you're my wonderboy...

* sigh *

* sigh *

2009-06-19T20:58:00.000+08:00

is it too much to ask for somebody to romantically love me?

im tired of being a spectator...

i just want to be happy...

still at it...

2009-06-18T08:47:00.000+08:00

Its funny how people perceive that you and me are an item...

For most of them, it comes of as a joke...

For me, it only fuels the hope that someday you and me would be...

Funny how people wonder why you react the way you do when they bring me up to you...

Ive been wondering that myself for such a long long time...

But I gave up figuring you out...

I still catch your glances...

And I guess you catch me with mine...

Its nearly 3 years already...

And we're still at it...

Whatever it is...

We're still at it...

You've been with your significant other...

I've lost mine...

I've dated around, met new people...

And yet, none have progressed into anything romantic...

And I found myself drawn back to you as always...

I can't express in words how I felt on my way home...

That little chit chat was more than enough to make me giddy like a little boy opening a gift...

As the lift opened to the Ground Floor, I asked the obvious, "Going home?"

"Yeah, I'm not feeling well..." You said with that cute expression on your face...

"Swine flu? Hahaha" I jokingly said

"Hahaha... Nope. Feeling a bit feverish. I guess its just me, I don't know really." You answered

"Really now? Can I have a feel?" I asked politely

I took you're not responding as a 'Yes' and I extended my right-hand on your left cheek

"Come on man, that's barely a fever..." I reacted

Reacting back, "Really? Well, maybe I guess its just me... Ehr, you're working out tomorrow the same time, right?"

"Yeah I am. Guess Ill be seeing you then." I said.

"Yep, so this is my stop, I need to go the other side to catch my ride." You said...

"OK. Take care on your way home. Get well and rest easy. Bye." As I said, smiling

"OK. Bye. See you tomorrow." You said smiling

As I watch you walk away slowly, a sudden surge of endorphins engulfed my body...

Yes you have that effect on me...

Wouldn't it be funny, that at the end of this book things would fall into place...

Yes, I'm still hoping...

Stupid to say...

But I am...

True, that I've said that I'm tired...

But that doesn't mean I'm stopping...

Besides, the greatest love around is the one that's worth all the hurt and hopelessness...

Martyrdom to some...

Stupid to some...

But this is how I am with him...

I AM TRULY HEAD-OVER-HEELS-IN-LOVE with YOU...

* blush *

life is...

2009-06-15T13:29:00.000+08:00

life is good
life is great
life is unbelievable
life is hard, life is cruel
life is so beautiful
ooh yeah ooh yeah

- Life Is Good, LFO

starting today right

2009-06-07T06:37:00.000+08:00

after a night of dinner and movie with gym friends...

i was set on starting my Sunday right...

though i wasn't able to register for the 2009 Mizuno Infinity Run,
i had my heart set on running 10K...

for a 10K first timer i logged in at 1:01:05...

not bad...

i think...

not to mention, seeing 'HIM' at the run just completed my day...

i can now go to sleep with a big smile on face...

how i wish i could start everyday like this...

anyway, here's to the next run...

hoping to do 10k for something less than an hour...

dang...

i think I'm hooked...

whats not to hate...

2009-06-05T10:17:00.000+08:00

lets start it off with meeting the wrong kind of guys...

with a side-dish of not meeting the right kind of guys...

add it off with being naive, stupid, gullible and desperate...

then...

top it off with starting the morning with no electricity from 2AM to 8AM...

getting denied for non-immigrant visa for work just because i don't have
proof of having strong ties with the company...

and then some...

what is there to love about my life?

thing is, i guess there's more to hate about it...

i fucking hate myself right now...

what was and what will be

2009-06-01T11:35:00.000+08:00

i used to entertain thoughts of a future with you...

now, i hope that karma visits you in the form of a raging 10-wheeler truck...

* hell hath no fury like a gay guy scorned *

directions

2009-05-31T20:42:00.000+08:00

if all directions that i have taken...

led to my heart being broken...

then where does one go from here?

the truth...

2009-05-31T17:59:00.000+08:00

the truth is...

everytime i see same-sex-male couples...

my inner-self, crawls to a corner...

bows my head, and i find my inner-self sobbing...

yes... im green with envy...

sure, i'm as happy as the next single gay guy out there...

but as i look at how happy they are..

at how they're building their future...

i weep for my current situation...

is happiness to much to ask for?

i think i deserve it...

i guess, that love story i was expecting God to finish writing...

isnt yet finished...

that or...

i was never meant to have one...

...

...

tired...

2009-05-29T10:12:00.000+08:00

im so tired...

everything is...

from my heart to my brain to my body...

but the thought of not being you is driving me to push more...

to exert more...

im not giving up...

not just yet...

lost

2009-05-29T08:35:00.000+08:00

Ive forgotten how it is to love myself.

Ive forgotten the feeling of being loved.

Ive now lost hope and belief in love.

what the hell...

2009-05-27T21:31:00.000+08:00

ok, so i think im getting into something serious here...

im excited for the future...

but it scares the shitload out of me...

the thought of it gives me goosebumps...

theres alot to consider with this one...

i dont think im ready yet...

i dont think im ready to be an adult yet...

the decisions needed on this one requires maturity...

knowing me...

im still not there...

frack...

come on...

what the hell am i thinking about getting a place of my own...

when i barely have a job...

and to top it all on that, there is a probability that...

that...

hmmm...

cant let the cat out of the bag yet...

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

this is sooooo frustrating...

affected...

2009-05-27T06:35:00.000+08:00

after all this time...

seeing how 'youre' doing...

im affected...

i dont buy it, when you say that you've crossed over the fence...

i think you're still into guys...

its obvious...

pretty much...

i shouldn't be this affected...

but i'am...

you were mine...

and i screwed up...

...

...

funny...

as im writing this, the next track on my playlist sings...

* 'cause its over, (girl) you know its over this time *

comfort...

2009-05-24T10:23:00.000+08:00

i soooo missed eating at mcdonalds...

its been a good two months since ive had me some mcdonalds...

changed all of that today...

chowed down two cheeseburgers, two large fries, three bbq sauces and one large coke...

thats what i call pigging out...

i feel guilty about it...

but then again, theres nothing wrong with chowing down on comfort foods...

plus, im excited to sweat it all out at the gym tom...

to comfort food...

=)

heres another month before i do mcdonalds again...

lol

shameful shameful...

2009-05-22T10:00:00.000+08:00

yes...

im shameful...

so so so so so shameful...

on being touched...

2009-05-10T19:36:00.000+08:00

it feels good to be 'touched' that way again...

but it really didn't change a thing...

---

through it all id still rather have someone hug and sleep beside me the whole night...

someone to hold my hand while walking...

someone to kiss me on the forehead just because he think its cute...

id rather have those anytime of the day...

hands-down...