Monday, January 26, 2009

untitled...

i don't know where to begin...

usually i set myself up in front of the pc and typing my heart away...

but somehow, my head is scattered...

unfocused...

not to mention the plethora of emotions i find myself to be wallowing in now...

this is an attempt to unload of all those in words...

---

on love...

people perceive me in different ways when it comes to matters of the heart...

some would construed me a fool...

and some, a romantic...

whatever people say about me...

most of it are true...

I'm one of the most transparent people out there when it comes to this...

i have never been ashamed to wear my heart on my sleeve...

like a badge of honor, i wear it with head held high...

...

i have been head-over-heels 'into' this guy for nearly two years now...

he's no stranger to most of you...

i purposely bring him into your lives through me...

I'm like this with him because - i think he's the "one"...

he's that one guy for me...

stupid to say; bordering almost on obsession...

but he really is...

i would venture to say (as ive said before) that he's my soul-mate...

just recently, i heard a new take on this whole thing...

"if you two are meant to be together, then you two will eventually find your way to each other"...

it might not be now...

but who knows in the future...

right?

hopeful...

i always am...

...

and though I'm hopeful with the "one"...

i have to face the facts...

hard truths...

hard possibilities...

what if all the 'pagtitiis' and 'paghihintay' was for nothing...

then id be left with the short end of the stick...

i don't want to regret all the wasted opportunities...

and so, now i find myself opening up to the idea of 'playing' the field...

so to speak...

don't get me wrong, I'm far from being a player...

in the last month of 2008, i met two guys...

Mr. E - the scooter-driving guy whose book is now closed...

and Mr. D - the 21 yr. old cutie whose story is currently being written...

now with Mr. E; i have tried so much to look pass his complications...

and weighing everything... it just wouldn't work out...

it just wouldn't...

with Mr. D, it has been quite confusing...

his age tells me that he's not ready 'yet' for something serious...

but over the course of one month - a number of sleep-overs, late dinners and texts, tells otherwise...

the last being a sleep-over; it caught me off-guard knowing that he felt the same way i did...

happy, secure and wanted...

there is a but a little complication in this 'endeavor'...

time, frequency and consistency...

to be honest, it does take much effort to keep what we have
going...

not to mention the fact that i think a couple of his friends don't like me...

apparently, to them i have a reputation...

i never thought id be that known to warrant a reputation, whatever that may be...

but yet, i still find myself unsure about the whole thing...

it just dawned on me...

I'm now actually dating...

the real kind...

but i have yet to experience an ideally romantic date...

---

and on work...

well what can i say...

as far as working in 'this' industry for the past 3 years...

i have known nothing else but hate...

ive never been known to love the 'serious' side of the IT industry...

the OTs and interruption of my schedule...

its been getting on my nerves...

and its taking a toll on me...

lately ive been working out late...

and ive had breakouts from 'stress'...

the silver lining amongst everything is, lately i think I'm getting the hang of it...

strange, scary - really...

but i don't think I'm out of the woods yet...

i have an upcoming performance appraisal...

and for the first time, I'm scared shit...

a bit concerned about the outcome...

but ready to face whatever decision comes from them...

for that matter, i have to be ready...

if ever, this will be the turning point of my career...

to stay...

or be forcibly pushed away...

---

whew... getting all of those out really took a load off my shoulders...

been awhile since ive done that...

shoot, its almost february soon...

month full of memories...

its gonna be a year already since then...

* sigh *

here's to forgetting the past...

and moving forward to a better future...

* cheers *

Saturday, January 17, 2009

the hotness, indeed...

friday... took a day off from work...

called in sick...

hahaha...

im such a liar...

--

anyway after my workout, decided to head to the movies and watch Transporter 3...

now ive been a big fan of Jason Statham since first seeing him in the Italian Job...

and the Transporter just made me love him more...

the raw machismo is sooooo drool-worthy...

not to mention that banging body...

yum...

he could... uhm... well... * stuff * anytime of the day...

hahaha

goodness...

* shouts *


i loves the hotness that is jason statham...

* its the only 'nice' shirtless pic of jason statham - you have to watch the movie for more of his hottie bod...



Tuesday, January 13, 2009

at the helm...

at the helm of the battle against the bulge...

im nearing the goal of getting to my ideal weight...

currently im around 177 lbs...

clinically overweight for my height...

but considering that i only have .2lbs of fat mass to lose...

im in the best shape of my life...

ha!

take that...

...

now i wonder, where are all the rewards im supposed to reap?

hmmm....


Sunday, January 11, 2009

walking away...

"I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away
Oh
To find a better day..."

- Craig David, Walking Away

---

i need to get back to my roots...

to the simpler things...

i miss me...

i miss the old me..

one down...

so i guess that was that..

one down...

i never thought id feel this way...

guess im going to miss the attention...

well, you win some, you lose some...

=(

ill miss you...

Friday, January 09, 2009

thunk?

who would have thunk that id be in this situation...

two, seriously?...

three if you add the other one...

the first two bring about a new feeling...

but theyre mixed...

a bit hessitant...

a bit careful...

but among them...

only one stands out...

only one stays inside here...

its not that easy to replace the one...

not that...

if only that one would realize...

and finally give me the answer that ive been longing for...

no matter how good or bad it is...

i just want to know from the one...

Thursday, January 08, 2009

wish

all that i wish for is consistency...

and, well, answers wouldn't hurt too...

on being uprooted

just when everything settled down...

just when i finally got around to it...

im taken out...

like an uprooted plant...

it is actually a blessing, coz ive been so far-off this
whole programming thing...

i just lost interest in development...

it got boring fast...

that because i finally saw what 'life' really is...

what 'life' really had to offer...

im being uprooted as a developer and gonna be planted back as a BA/QA...

now i dont know if thats a good thing...

ive always to try doing BA/QA work...

but one thing scares me... longer longer hours...

as one of my superiors puts it...

'dedication' is asked from me...

my gym hours are going to be fucked up...

big time...

and im hating the idea...

F-U-C-K!!!

---

im now contemplating on 'transferring'...

just in case this whole IT thing doesnt really work out...

im gonna miss the high-pay for sure...

but i bet that im gonna have a greater time out here...

now if i only knew what i want to do...

frack it...

frack it...

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

hello moto...




hello moto indeed...

orgasmic...

presenting the new moto a3100...

love love love...

phone ambition for 2009...

=)

Monday, January 05, 2009

resolutions...

after the party...

after the bliss...

ive come to terms that this is how things are supposed to be...

its a hard lesson to swallow...

i should LEARN to never expect...

i should LEARN to slow down...

i should LEARN to be more PROTECTIVE of my heart...

i should LEARN to see that there are many other fishes in the sea...

i should LEARN to look pass the physical...

...

goodness draws in good kharma...

i will still hold on to that...

...

about time i get good kharma...

its been awhile really...

Sunday, January 04, 2009

return to normalcy...

so after the long holiday...

its back to normalcy for us working folks tom...

many are dreading it...

im actually looking forward to it...

in a strange way...

but its not really the work that im looking forward to...

its more of the daily routines...

the people...

the diet...

---

thank god the holidays are over...

one more bite of any pastry will drive me up the wall..

hmm... but i still cant resist it...

---

well theres really nothing much to say...

my previous post has already summed up my weekend...

and as of now, i dont want to any of the memory of this weekend away...

so ill stop thinking about this whole back-to-work kinda thing...

=)

* hanlabo ko *

Saturday, January 03, 2009

first of first...

how id describe my first 2009 weekend...



so i say keep it coming...

yey!

Thursday, January 01, 2009

failed possibility...

well so much for starting the year right...

im totally disappointed at how things are turning out...

great that i finally met a guy who appears to like me...

but then...

theres just tooooooooooooo much baggage...

as in way way toooooo much...

and i dont want to get into this again...

so much for my friday plan then...

=(

another possibility thrown out the window...

* throws *

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