certain events have forced me think about what 'love' has taught me...

i dont know if most of you would agree...

but the following have been lessons learned...

and just so you know, im no authority on love...

sheesh...

i should be the last one anyone should be running to for advice on the matter...

but, in the short amount of time... this much i know...

...

- 'you take risks for the people that matter to you the most'...

- 'never lie to yourself, secrets should never be kept, especially when it comes to matters of the heart'...

- 'forget about keeping your head on top of your heart, nor should your heart be on top of your head... both should work together, always'...

- 'be yourself and never change... never let anyone fall in love with the made-up you'...

- 'friendship, as a basis for love, sucks... well if you're just stuck with friendship'...

- 'never doubt your feelings for someone, doubting only shows that your not totally into the person'...

- 'never expect, never assume... what you know is usually wrong'...

and lately, this seems to be a viable option, though im not really into the whole ONS and FBUDs thing...

- 'hook-ups are a saving grace to heartache'...

---

i said i wasnt giving up...

but i think i should...

its become a hopeless case...

great...

there goes another one...

* bangs head on wall *

here i am...

floating on air again...

thinking of what can be...

anticipating....

waiting...

for that moment...

when doubts are gone...

when insecurities don't matter...

when no one else matters...

this is what i strive for...

not money, nor fame...

love...

it is but a jump away...

and yet i am afraid to take it...

fearing that no one will be on the other side...

loneliness has been my biggest fear...

i have been through it...

it has served its purpose in my life...

and i don't need it anymore...

...

...

this is me...

a big part of what makes me, me...

a hopeless romantic...

Things Will Go My Way
The Calling

I came to tell you
How it all began
Nothing seems to work out right
I'm broken down again

So hold me now
And say its not forever
Cause maybe someday, in time
Things will go my way

I've pushed to get through
A crowd of twisted souls
Just to find I'm right back here
Doing what I'm told

So take my hand
Don't let me surrender
Cause maybe someday, in time
Things will go my way
Things will go my way
Things will go my way

For all the lies I've tasted
Just loooking for the truth
For all the dreams I'm chasing
Well what am I to do
When everything's against me
And the answers are all wrong
I'm hopin' that I find out
It was worth it all along

So hold me now
And say it's not forever
Cause I know someday, in time
Things will go my way
Things will go my way
Things will go my way

For all the lies I've tasted
Just looking for the truth
For all the dreams I'm chasing
What am I to do
When everything against me
The answers are all wrong
I'm hoping that I'll find out

Things will go my way
Things will go my way

it just keeps on coming...

the punches...

* sigh *

so the fashion design competition i joined...

well its a bust..

didnt get in...

* sigh *

guess i need more and more and more practice...

...

i know im good... but im not on the level of some people are...

well no yet...

thing thats bugging me is how everyone involved in the competition (organizers) know how pathetic my entry was...

* makes me want to shrink and hide *

so should i push more?

or i give up?

...

i say push more...

theres alot more oppurtunities out there...

ill be ready next time...

more than ready...

...

To get myself out of the state that I was/am in...

Ive been hanging out with the brus and the girls...

First of was my last weekend movie-night with the brus...

---

So last week, me and the brus had a movie-night...

we saw 'The Mummy : Rise of the Dragon Emperor'...

My take on the whole movie...

Entertaining x 2...

Though I think the franchise received a huge blow...

well for one, rachel weisz wasnt in the cast...

and, the movie was more brawns than brain...

the last two installments tackled a deeper history of the

characters...

* sigh *

but even so, Im still on 'The Mummy' franchise train...

After the movie, got a text from Sim that there was an impromptu birthday party / get-together for Norman...

so after much hooplah on who was going...

Me, Jason and Bryan separated with the group and off we went to Sims place...

So at Sims place... found out that he had already invited their friends over...

Seeing (a) some familiar face(s), it made me smile...

That in itself was already a highlight for me...

I knew that the night was going to pick-up...

I needed a relaxed environment with good company...

and the night didnt fail me...

So after some drinking, chit-chatting we started to play cards...

Its been awhile since Ive done 'pusoy-dos'...

But apparently a quick jolt of a game was all I needed to get back the feel of playing...

after awhile, we were asked to join a game of poker...

which was entirely new for me...

so after a quick lesson from joseph...

I was able to get a good feel of the game...

A couple of rounds passed, I won two out of the number of plays we had...

I guess Im a good player, then again, that cant really say how good of a player I am...

I need more practice...

and Im keeping myself wide open for a good round of pokers with friends...

* hint * hint *

It was around 3 in the morning then when Bryan and Jason decided to call it a night...

I honestly didnt want to leave...

but the night has done its part...

and even for a while I have been relieved and relaxed...

plus, it was an unexpected and most welcome turn of events...

love it...

thanks guys... thanks for the great company... =)

heres to more and more oppurtunities to hang out with you guys...

* cheers *

continued...

How do I start?

Hmmm...

I havent been myself lately...

There has been too much served on my plate...

Things that need to be decided on...

---

Now, theres no intent on making 'parinig' here...

So, I dont mean to offend anyone...

I've been single for a bit over 6 months now...

Havent really 'played' the field yet...

A good thing has happened in the month that has passed...

I hoped things would have been better...

Was finally settling in on the thought...

but fate had other plans...

Ive been 'depressing' about it...

As Ive always been when it comes to matters of the heart...

But I know I shouldnt...

So I started picking up where I left off...

And just as I was getting back on my feet...

Fate once again 'teased' me...

This 'other' person...

The 'one' that Ive been so hung-up on...

Well, lets just that things have become cold between us...

and right now it makes reading 'him' a hundred times more difficult than before...

and so the vicious cycle repeats again...

And as if that wasnt enough, fate showed me how 'good' others have it...

Now I know, Ive changed alot since my 'heavy' days...

and Im so proud that Ive achieved such feat...

But I guess for some its just not enough...

I havent 'played' the game, but Ive been out and about...

Searching, looking...

And to no avail, well theres a couple that Ive met...

But seriously, Im just not interested...

Call me choosy... call me picky....

but come on... ive been 'discriminated' on by some...

why cant i do the same?

vicious cycle? - I know...

Anyway, going back...

I have this friend...

He's good looking, got a nice body and importantly he's got a good head on his shoulder...

And I dont blame anyone if they find him attractive...

What boggles me is that he doesnt need to do much...

And it just kills whatever confidence I have...

Just imagine, in the span of one week... he has managed to catch the attention of two guys by just being there...

What the hell...

Now tell me how unfair is that?

* sigh *

Friends tell me to not dwell to much on it and that the big-man up there showers everyone equally...

I have qualities that they dont have...

I guess so...

* thinks *

And I do have to thank you guys (you know who you are)...

For bearing with me, my stupidities and my insecurities...

Thanks...

continued...

if all is going soooo well...

why then, does it feel the total opposite?

---

now something on the side...

asking for another round i see...

well just wait...

also, suggestion...

stop being a faker...

it doesnt do wonders to the 'image' or whatever thats called...

* trying hard *

ecstatic... nervous...

scared... doubtful...

im just a concoction of emotions right now...

i just want to let it all out (among other things)...

i want to scream on top of my lungs...

i want to beat my 'enemies' with a mace and gloat with laughter...

i want to retreat underneathe the sheets of my bed...

i want someone to hug me and tell me everything will be fine...

---

i dont know if i did the 'right' thing...

i have plans to move out of the 'industry' that i have been calling hell for 3 years...

ive grown weary and tired of the 'cage' that i set upon myself...

and yet, im jumping from one frying pan to another...

though nothings really set yet, the thought scares the hell out of me...

and at the same time, it makes me yearn for change...

but at the back of my mind, im screaming...

something inside me is telling me to hold-on and travel the path to my dreams, explore the world... become what i am destined to be...

the thought is scary...

i am friggin 25 already (still young)...

and im not a risk-taker...

hell... risk is something that i rarely deal with...

but i should...

ive been avoiding risks for the majority of my life...

i should start...

from the simplest of things...

...

and it should be quick...

time doesnt really take a break...

strength and courage...

its all i need...

im a brazen-faced individual...

risks should be an easy obstacle to tackle...

* crosses fingers *

* wishes that Themis scales balances to the right side *

* does a two-face; flips a coin *

---

hmmm...

well that was therapeutic...

* smiles *

im such a garfield...

monday + emo...

roflol...

* does a garfiled - i hate mondays... *

way way back in high school, i bought this italian-english dictionary...

just to teach myself a bit of italian... * i have this thing with foreign languages *

i just love how the c's and z's roll off your tounge...

eventhough i hardly used the language...

i have come to pick up some learn-worthy words...

among them are...

bello (beautiful), deliziosi (delicious), perfetto (perfect), buon giorno (good morning), buona sera (good evening) and grazie (thank you)...

the first three words can sum up my Amici experience...

---

ive been brought up as a makati-boy...

pure-bred and never a faker * cough * cough *

and growin' up... ive always equated makati as the philippines answer to usa's new york...

anyway... its been 20+ years that ive lived here...

and it never ceases to amaze me how much i dont know about makati...

lately, the bru-brus (and some honorary bru bru girls) have been steadily creating a weekly
friday tradition of after-gym dinner...

call it an early-cheat to the weekend...

with them, i have discovered two great restos/eatery...

one is petra and pillar (just behind makati med, an alley's trhrow-away from pasong tamo)...

and the most most recent, amici...

---

going into amici, one would never expect such delicacies...

yes, the ambiance wasnt as 'italian' as i would expected it to be...

but it had a homey-feel to it (the feeling you get when you eat at your old schools canteen... well ehrm, considering that you studied in csa or in some other private private school) and i liked it...

though with such great dishes, the place could use some sprucing up...

the first thing that caught my attention was the 'gallery display' of their gelato (ice cream)...

the mere sight of ice-cream made me forget about my diet... * yum * yum *

so fast forward a bit...

got around to order the maccheroni al gorgonzola as my main dish, a cup of strawberry supreme gelato as my first dessert and a serving of profiterole (everything for Php 350.00)

considering that i had chips in the morning, burgers and fries in the afternoon and that for dinner...

i had already gone way way way way ... way way beyond my self-restricted allowable daily food intake...

but i just didnt care...

with good company and good food...

diet seemed to not exist...

though it did get me to think that i needed to put-off my usual saturday cheat-fest and my rest day to off-set the amount of food that i ate...

* thinks *

then again... i do workout alot...

no need to worry...

ehrm... better be safe than sorry... .

* smiles * worries *

---

i definitely cant wait to eat at amicis with my girls...

also, im already thinking of who to bring to amicis for a date...

ehrm, that sounded not right...

then again...

amicis is a diamond in a rough...

it can, imo, can compete with the other (faker) italian restos in the metro...

i wonder why they havent taken this thing on a much larger scale...

well anyways, its good that its not that commercialized yet...

its a secret that im willing to share...

just not to everyone...

yet...