Friday, August 31, 2007

i thought that i could count on you when im feeling lonely...

i thought that you'd always be there...

i know i was...

i was there when you needed someone to take care of you when you were'nt really feeling well...

i was there when you just need someone...

i always was...

but how come when you know that i need you... you turn your back on me...

you give reasons that i just cannot object too...

you give reasons that seem to have no loopholes...

i cant make you feel guilty...

never could...

you always have this way of turning the tables around...

and for the love of all thats holy, i cant put myself to get mad at you...

i think you know that...

you should know that...

we've been together for a year and a month now...

* sigh *

you know what all i ever wanted was someone to be there when i was feeling alone...

someone that i can hold hands with...

someone that i can hug and hugs me back...

its stupid for me to go "drama-queen" about the whole thing...

but three weeks of not spending those lazy afternoons with you...

curled up under your arms...

it just makes me weak...

i lose all drive...

i lose all interest...

and as if the things you do dont depress me enough...

there is this person who adds to the weight...

its not his fault... its my fault really... "lagi akong umaasa..."

until now...

"tanga ko talaga noh?"

---

change has to come...

if it means losing you, to find myself again...

and then to find you...

or the worst-case-scenario, find someone else...

id probably welcome it...

though i know it will bring me more sadness... it has to happen...

---

i need a hug...

from my boyfriend...

badly...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

ok.... this isnt blog padding... well it kinda is... but whatever...

anyway... after two days of being gym idle (monday, not by choice; tuesday, because me and bryan went out)... i was finally able to complete a whole gym routine today...

my routine goes...

- cardio for 20 minutes on the treadmill
- cardio for 5 minutes on the bike
- stretching
- cardio for 10 minutes on the treadmill
- resistance for the back (2)
- cardio for 16 minutes on the treadill
- resistance for the back, resistance for chest/arms
- cardio for 16 minutes on the treadill
- resistance for the arms, resistance for the back
- cardio for 16 minutes on the treadill
- resistance for the arms, resistance for the abs
- cardio for 16 minutes on the treadmill
- stretching

anyway I was nearing the end of my routine when I suddenly got dizzy...
so I eased a bit on how I was working out... that last set would have only taken me 10 minutes... but because I had to slow it down... it took me a good 25 minutes to finish that...

after my work out... I was feeling a bit woozy...

a friend from gym (dats) was a bit concerned that I might be starving myself because my weight has gone down sooo fast... told him that its nothing to worry about... that my body just needed to adjust to my routine again...

so I dressed up and went down...bought a mango shake to ease the dizziness... and I decided to ride a taxi home because my head was really dazed...

When I got home, mom and dad scolded me for doing too much gym time...

funny because a year ago, they were scolding me to get my butt of the bed...

anyway... Im feeling a bit better now, but my back is still killing me...

guess I need to relax a bit...

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

looming singlehood...

=(

Friday, August 24, 2007

So... yesterday was totally a complete waste of my time.

From the
meeting I had yesterday afternoon, to the stupid bowling tourney.

It was
a complete waste.

---

I dont normally rant about "work" stuff here, but the exception of yesterdays "meeting" and bowling activity just begs to be "ranted" about.

First off, was the meeting we had.

Initial plan was just to show "us" what they have done so far, a prototype if you will. I just thought that they would just take awhile in doing the whole presentation, because after all, it is just a prototype.

But, as usual, my expectations failed me.

You've got to know that
most non-IT people in the room were just a bunch of "asses". They clearly dont understand what the meeting was all about. What happened though was a debate of who had a better business process; it was a question of why do you that, why do you this. It was "stupid" to the point of having pointless word-spatter from one "channel" to another. The only good thing that came out of the whole meeting was that I got time to finish the sketch I started a couple of weeks ago... and that I got to "stare" at this hunky agent.

After wasting five and a half-hours of my life (not by choice), I was about to waste another five more hourse of my life (again, not my choice) doing something that I really didnt want to do.

I was pissed as it is. But I H-A-D to because... for someones fucking idea of "bonding" and "fun"... ack!

So there I was forced and pissed.

Theres really nothing that I can write about the whole bowling thing... except that
I "sucked" big-time... but not as much as the "organizer" because everything had a "bahala-na"-feel to it... just plainly pathetic... and the food service was terrible... we were there at 700pm... we got served with "dinner" at 930pm, talk about service, or lack thereof...

So with that experience...
Im officially quiting bowling... not just because I "suck" at playing it... the location and the people... it just aint worth wasting a couple of my hours with...

All in all this day was a bust...

Makes me wonder about bad luck...
Hmmm....

* shouldnt have crossed that black cat the other night *

Sunday, August 19, 2007

i had a realization yesterday...

i dont know if i really really miss my boyfriend...

its either that or i just miss the thought of having someones hand to hold...

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Was bloghopping (yeah, at work... hehe) and I came across this... pretty intersting, acurate if you ask me... So I thought of sharing this with you all...

---

Though this might be too much information for me to say about us, "kiss-and-tell" if you will... but ive (and still am) been this expressive with my boyfriend (
well just some)...

---

A kiss on the ear - 'I'm Horny'
A kiss on the check - 'we're friends'
A kiss on the hand - 'I Adore You'
A kiss on the shoulder - 'I want You'
A kiss on the lips - 'I Love You'
Holding each others hands - 'We can Learn To Love Each Other'
Giving a wink - 'Let's get it on'
Slap on the butt - 'Watch out'
Playing with his/her ear - 'I can't Live without you'
Arms around the waist - 'I Love you Too Much to let Go'
Pulling hair on head - 'Tell me you Love Me'
Gazing into each other's eyes - 'Let's get romantic'
Holding on tight - 'Don't let Go'


* hay * love *

Monday, August 13, 2007

Ok...

So I havent been writing stuff about "me" for the past weeks.

Was just being lazy to write about stuff... the word-station of my brain just needed a long long break.

So just to keep you on speed...

A week after we celebrated our anniversary (July 28... actually anniversary was on the August 2), which by the way was ehrm, very very "interesting" (and "special") * love * tee-hee * love *... we celebrated my baby's birthday... he's officially 29 as of August 04... a year left before he turns 30 wherein he wishes to have a kid... now the process of which we will have one is still undetermined...
actually the idea of me having a kid is still questionable... I dont like kids... I dont have a soft-spot in my heart for them... dont get me wrong, its just that Im not one to deal with weepers and wetters yet... for-the-love-of-god...

Anyway... as usual he went over to my place. I had an idea of how that Saturday would be... but he totally ruined the mood for us. First of all, he got "wasted" the night before because he had some drinking session with a couple of friends. Second, he woke up at around 1 PM saturday and got to my place at around 530 PM, so looking at this, he made me wait for him the whole day... * rage * of all the annoying things to do, he made me wait * crap * crap *, and to top that off, he had to go home at around 8 Pm... so he just stayed for around 3 hours, which for me is not really enough "quality" time for us. And thirdly, he wasnt really responding to any of the "paglalambing" that I was doing... talk about killing the mood... * gah *.

He noticed that I wasnt really pleased with how the day was turning out... but instead of trying to lighten my mood, he just ignored it and teased me about the reason why I was bummed out.

Great, right?

Good thing though, that 30 minutes before 8 he tried turning things around and was the one making "lambing" to me... silly as it may sound, I responded... hehehe =)

Fast-forwarding...

Last Saturday we met up eventhough he was feeling under-the-weather.

He wasnt really feeling good... so after eating lunch out, we went home... and just cuddled the whole afternoon...

What made the afternoon sweet was that everytime that I would take my hand away, he would look for it and kept it near him while squeezing my hand...

* hay * love * love *

Can anything get better than that?

I cant believe that this unknown instinct kicked in while he was there... I mean, I changed his clothes, wiped his sweat... its like a mother taking care of her sick son...

I cant believe that we were acting like we were married already...

* hay * love * love *

Got to say, it felt so good.

Its hard to imagine that during lunch time he opened up a pretty sensitive topic...

He was being a very very jealous, insecure boyfriend...

He actually used the following phrases...

- "just thinking about the guys you see at the gym and by the way that you describe them, naiinsecure ako sa kanila... (im feeling insecure)"...

- "ano ba talaga ang dahilan ng pagpapaganda mo ng katawan? - siguro kaya ka nagpapaganda ka ng katawan, kasi gusto mo mapansin ka noh?... (whats the real reason for your gyming? - maybe its because you want to get noticed, right?)"...

To some degree, the thought of him being jealous with well, nothing... kind of touches me... I mean, as-far-as-im-concerned, you only get to be jealous, paranoid about someone when they're special to you...

Well, cant really blame him though, I have been well a bit unfaithful... theres no real excuse for my actions... I cant even justify with a straight face to him and my friends why I do / did the things I do / that I have done...

One year has passed, and Im still learning the ropes of being "gay" and being in a relationship... Its harder than I thought...

I dont know why... but theres something inside of me that keeps on looking for something from him to prove that he really loves me... get it?

I know that he does love me... and I love him the same way too...

Theres just this "something" that I cant really put my finger on...

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Visited Fix last Friday and I had my haircut.

That was my second time at Fix, and I can say that Im loving how they cut my hair. Its a bit weird though because I remember Rick asking me where I place the "hati" on my hair. I gave him a gesture on the right side of my head... and I was baffled when he started cutting my hair on the left side. I wanted to tell him that he got it wrong... but I told myself to see where this is going.

The cutting was quick... which should be... barbers in barbershops take soooo long to do their cuts.

Got my hair shampoo-ed again... and after that the stylist started to do his magic.

I was liking how the stylist was doing my hair... so I kept a watchful eye on him... trying to learn the ropes of styling.

He kept on putting too much body on the back part of my hair though... thought it was too... ehrm... flambouyant... not really into the whole rooster-crown-kind-of-hair-style... he was making a variation of it...

After a little more tweaking from Rick, from the stylist... and small small suggestions from me...
I had the finished product... and I like it... very very much.

Will just have to get used to combing from the left side to the right side... and applying 2 types of hair wax...

hay... vanity, vanity, vanity... the name that you can call me...

anyway heres a couple of pics of my new hair style... no real big difference from my old one... its just that i have to comb this one from the left to the right, and that the "hati" wont be that visible...




by the way... Bryan has already seen the hair...

he likes it, though the change has brought about some issue with regards with ehrm... stuff...

anyway thats another topic that id be blogging about one day this week...

Thursday, August 09, 2007

how i wish that the day when i can say confidently that im an "eye-candy" comes...

yeah... until now, i have this issue with the way i look... thats never gonna change... no amount of good looking clothes, or no amount of gyming can ever change that...

its the prevailing theme song for my life...

my major insecurity...

i have this thought that when you look good... i mean not just normal looking good... but runway model looking good, life comes easy for you...

yeah they might have their problems... but their life in generali is so fucking good...

i always wish that i was a different person... someone who looks good...

i love the person that i am... believe me...

but dont you wish you were someone else?


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